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12 Things You Can’t Do As a Mom With A Toddler

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1.Doing Nothing. Literally lounging around the house, wondering what to do with your time. It almost sounds… mythical. Are there people out there that actually have free time on their hands? Who are they? Where do they come from? I don’t think I would know how to handle myself around free time anymore- I’d be delirious.

  2. Sticking to Plans. LOL. There is no such thing a planning ahead with a toddler. Going to that yoga-class? Your toddler started a fever. Heading to a lunch? Toddler fell asleep 30 seconds before arrival. Drinks with the girls? Toddler won’t go to bed. As moms we should come with a disclaimer that says, socially unreliable, expect last minute cancellation. Don’t even try to fight it. Just go with it.

3. Watching TV. You know, a TV show for adults that doesn’t include an annoying baby and daddy shark or 60 minute songs about brushing your teeth. Remember how you could just turn on the TV, plop yourself on the couch and actually watch some news. Yeah. No. If and when your husband and you are lucky to eventually get some TV time you’ll probably both pass out ten minutes into the show.

4. Have a well-kept home. Remember how you initially designed your house to look like no-one actually lived there. That perfectly positioned over-priced coffee table book, the glass vase and those white silk cushions. Yeah well, it looks like a rainbow exploded in your living room now. You sometimes secretly wish you’d go colorblind for temporary relief. And no matter how many times you try to contain toys in the playroom, they always manage to find their back. Always.

5. Maintain your hair blow out. Remember when your hair would actually look great for a solid three days. Yeah now you’re lucky if it lasts for two hours after getting it done. Between vomit, flying food, snot or getting your hair caressed by your toddler’s feet you have now resorted to the number one hairstyle favored by all toddlers- the mom-bun!

6. Cook a meal for yourself. Ain’t nobody got time for that. You’re so busy sorting out dinner for that picky eater, and trying to score on at least one all of the recommended super food groups that you forget to feed yourself and end up eating the leftover edges and crumbs. When it’s actually time to feed yourself you just grab a stale piece of bread and call it dinner. And yes that’s probably you’re not losing any weight.

7. Spend time in the bathroom. Alone. Whether you’re on the toilet or trying to sneak in for a quick shower, forget about it. Your young house guests don’t believe in personal space and usually like to intrude at the most intimate of times. So postpone that nice bubble bath or body scrub session for a couple more years and instead stock up on some dry shampoo.

8. Talk on the phone. Notice how your toddler decides to have a meltdown just as your phone rings. It’s like they sense it coming. They’ll either hang on to your legs or demand you carry them and insist on interrupting the conversation. Not much you can do there but look at the bright side you get to save on your monthly phone bill.

9. Stay Up Late. You never thought you would have a self-imposed curfew but going to bed at 2am only to be up at crack of dawn with your active toddler is not worth any kind of night out no matter how much fun it can be. So embrace you inner-Cinderella and make it home before midnight unless your toddler can change its own diaper, dress and feed itself. Then by all means- party on.

10. Take a sick day. Um, No. You can’t just call in sick and deal with everything the next day. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a food poisoning or chills from a fever, your toddler boss expects you to rise and shine like the dedicated employee you are and get straight to work. The entertainment business is cut throat.

11. Skip Coffee. Are you kidding me? I hated the taste of coffee and I always bragged how I didn’t need caffeine- I had a “natural” energy to me. #blessed. Fast Forward three years and I would literally have a meltdown without a cup of joe first thing in the morning. It’s the only way I can reboot my system from the physical trauma it endured the day before.

12. Go a day without them. It’s a phenomenal force this motherhood thing isn’t it? That no matter how much it has turned your life inside out and upside down you can’t go a day without kissing and cuddling and loving those little buggers, they’re like the oxygen you need to breath, the blood that your hurt needs to pump and no matter how hard the journey gets you would chose them over and over again in every lifetime.

24 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Baby

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1. With your first, not only did you pay a ridiculous sum of money for a designer hospital bag, you also meticulously packed it months and months in advance with an overzealous list of things like organic conscious cotton linens, matching pjs for you and baby and ridiculously over-priced diapers. This time around you’re lucky if you remember to grab some things on your way out to the hospital because between curbing your toddler’s tantrum and wrestling him into changing his nappies, ain’t nobody got time for cute newborn shopping lists.

2. With baby number one, you created mood boards and themes for the nursery only days after that test turned positive, with your second you finally got around to installing the curtains only after she’s 3 months old.

3. And just like that you’re once baby toddler has grown into a full grown child as soon as you return from the hospital. It’s like his head grew bigger overnight. How. Did. This. Happen?

4. Remember how you inspected guests and made everyone bathe in sanitizer and remove their shoes at the door before even glancing at baby number one. Now you’re just passing around baby number 2 to whomever can hold her just so you can bring the blood flow back to your arms again.

5. Between the different creams and products, you would lather baby number one with, bath time resembled a spa session at the Four Seasons. Now baby number 2 is lucky to even get a bath and when she does you’ll probably just throw her in with the toddler in his swamp of toys and rubber fish.

6. You’ll get an A for Effort, but you will never be able to strike the perfect balance between both kids no matter how much you try. You’ll never be able to give number two the same attention and tentativeness you did to number one. Which will make number 2 way more independent, so it’s not such a bad thing really. Don’t feel so bad. Or at least that’s what I tell myself to feel better.

7. Overwhelmed is an understatement. Suddenly your once sweet toddler despises bath time and your newborn won’t sleep for more than 15 minutes in a stretch. It’s like that part in the movie where the hero keeps losing over and over and over again but you know what they win in the end and so will you mama. Your patience will be tested until you cuddle with both, at the same time, for the first time, and you realize that there are 2 pairs of big eyes staring at you, because you are their mama and they your world. And you close your eyes and feel like you’re heart is about to explode with fulfillment and purpose until one of them has a poop explosion.

8. Speaking of poop explosions, did you really think changing one diaper was hard work? Try two runny diapers. You’ll need to refine those logistical and operational skills as your home will start resembling a baby factory. And yes, you will end up putting the wrong diaper on the wrong child. Every. Single. Time.

9. Lunch time with two gets as busy as KFC in a food court. One hungry baby and an angry toddler can spell more drama than a Lebanese soap opera. And let’s just say the only one happy to see food on the floor is the dog.

10. Remember how your first went through his entire first year barely catching a cold? Yeah well, thanks to number one’s recent stint at daycare, your poor second child has a cold every other week that she’s come to actually love the taste of Physiomere Baby and enjoys the snot sucker.

11. If you thought leaving a house with one baby was hard work, try packing for a trip out to the mall with two. Nevermind. Going out is overrated anyway. You’ll eventually just decide to stay home. Forever.

12. Your toddler will soon notice the imminent looming threat that had entered his home and try to eliminate it. Your job? To foil all assassination attempts and keep number 2 alive and kicking.

13. Remember how you invited the entire family to come and witness your first born’s first taste of solids like it was a solar eclipse. Your poor second will probably have her first taste of non-organic courgettes with only you as a witness while the toddler tries to burn the house down.

14. Remember how excited you were when baby number one first started crawling? This time around you secretly wish you can strap baby number two to something just to stop her from being mobile too soon, because how on earth are you supposed to run after two toddlers at the same time?

15. Remember the No-TV until baby number one turns 2 rule, yeah well, by the time she is six months old, Baby Number 2 will know how to work NetFlix.

16. Remember that strict schedule you were so keen on putting your first child on, running home from family lunches just to be on time for shower time and bedtime, yeah well, your second child nap time consists of an impromptu bottle in her stroller at the grocery store.

17. Suddenly newborn late night feedings and poop explosions feel nice and easy compared to negotiating with a toddler who decided he wants to take of all his clothes at the mall and have chocolate for dinner.

18. You look at first time mom’s in a total state of panic and laugh a little at how easy they have it and how funny they are to worry so much, yes it was you once before but since having another baby you’re now you freakin Khaleesi the true mother of dragons.

19. Remember how you were keen on not overstimulating your first child before bedtime keeping the lights dim and playing lullabies and white noise, lol,now the hour before sleep resembles a scene from a WWE arena with you as the star attraction.

20. Remember how scared and worried you felt when baby number one would cry as a newborn? Now you feel just as scared and worried that your newborn might wake baby number one up when she cries.

21. Sleep? What’s that? Come night time you turn into Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch roaming your children’s rooms changing nappies, preventing one from falling off a bed, inspecting temperatures, bottle feeding, and a 100 other tasks you never thought you knew how to do until you transform into a White Walker by sunrise.

22. You’ll never leave the room without not one but two baby monitors attached to you, and just when you think you and your husband can finally settle in for a Netflix Original and some pizza, a child will wake up. Someone will always wake up.

23. Simultaneous naps are a long lost dream, they will never happen, but if and when they do happen, you win in life.

24. Your heart is not yours anymore, it’s vulnerable, because it now lives outside your body in two little bodies, and suddenly all the intense feelings you used to feel with one baby become two. And there are times where you’ll feel weak in the knees like the worry is about to engulf you and raising two is just overwhelming you that you’re not so sure you are built for motherhood but just like that, you find a strength you never knew you had in you not just to raise those babies but to help them thrive.
Grab motherhood by the horns, you got this momma!

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20 THINGS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT HAVING A TODDLER

33 TRUTHS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT BEING PREGNANT

20 Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Toddler

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Many of you enjoyed and appreciated 23 Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby and then again 23 MORE Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby but enter the toddler years and that brings about an entirely new chapter of lists you ought to know. My baby Luca (or toddler) I should say has now hit is 16 months mark and well I share with you 20 very honest observations that many parents dare not to admit.

1. Size doesn’t matter. No matter how tiny they look those little creatures they sure have BIG stubborn personalities, so just accept the new peck order, They’re the boss, you’re not, get with the program, the less you resist the less painful it is.

2. Don’t rush the walking, because once they hit the ground (usually running), you’ll never ever lounge on a sofa again. Be prepared to hover over them them like a hawk because if they’re not falling and hurting themselves then they’re grabbing and breaking.

3. Speaking of grabbing, everything is up for grabs, EVERYTHING. The more you ask them not to touch something the more they’ll touch it. Think electric socket, garbage bin, toilet seat and dog food. Yup those little tykes are attracted to dirt and danger.

4. Remote controls and cell phones. They’re like baby crack. No matter how many educational or expensive toys you buy them nothing will get their eyes glowing like an iPhone. And they WILL eventually get to them.

5. Brush up on your biceps because mother nature knows no strength like that of a toddler who doesn’t feel like sitting still for a diaper change or shower time. Yup you’re once adorable mellow baby will transform into butt-naked sumo-wrestler.

6. Hell is a child teething. It’s a slow cruel fact of life. They tell you the first year is the hardest but nobody warns you about the teething that follows until they’re TWO so don’t celebrate just yet! Suddenly your sweet little baby turns into a cranky drooling monster and somehow he thinks it’s all YOUR fault. Everyone will recommend something for the pain, but the truth is, it’s going to have to run its course. You’ve been warned.

7. Remember how your baby finally started sleeping through the night for two months straight and you thought- finally, I’ve done it? Well before you reward yourself, prepare yourself for the biggest regression of all. The more their little brains develop the less likely you’re able to put them down. One day you’ll wake up and realize that little schemer now sleeps in your bed with you. Yup. Move over Dada.

8. Tantrums. The first few made you laugh. The idea that your baby was demanding something was super cute. Until they pull the first public one. Suddenly you’re scrambling just to get into the car and drive off like a bank robber making an escape and promise yourself you’re never letting them out of the house again.

9. You’ll never judge another mother again. Instead when you see one struggling with her child instead of shooting nasty annoyed looks her way like you used to when you were childless, you’re now suddenly asking her if she needs any help.

10. Speaking of help, there’s a secret pact amongst parents of young children, that you will only become privy to once you enter exclusive parent club. It says that If someone’s child is having a meltdown you just ignore the show and act like it’s not happening. The singles will send angry whispers and shoot death glares but the rest of the parents in the room, they know the drill.

11. Kids designer clothes were nice and all until you realize your toddler has no issue smearing spaghetti sauce all over it and then rolling in the mud. They’re appreciation for a Kenzo sweater will be no different than that for a $5 white Tee. The only one who noticed is sadly you.

12. Prepare to be conjoined. Your once curious baby will suddenly become surgically attached to you and a separation attempt may turn into a screaming fest, so just accept the fact that you now have a new friend in the toilet and a voyeur in the shower. One day you’ll wish your children will visit more often so savor the lack of privacy.

13. Brush up on your ninja reflexes. I think Spiderman was inspired by a mother. If it’s not to save your toddler from plunging from his highchair to the ground then it’s to save your own nose 5 times a day from your toddler who thinks it’s fun to shove his entire thumb into your nostril or poke your eyes out.

14. Yes we all pictured ourselves reading to our little minions before bedtime. But you’ll come to the realization that it will only happen if they’re in a straitjacket.

15. There are only two people who would have told you as many affirmative defiant “NOs” in your lifetime, once upon a time your parents and now your toddler. Both times you have no choice but to comply.

16. Remember your pet? That fur-ball once known as your dog rather than a chore. Before having a child you would plan your weekend around his walks and book his groomers appointment months in advance. Now you’re lucky if you remember to feed him during the day. Dog? We Have a dog?

17. You no longer fantasize about a wild week trip to Ibiza, now an ideal vacation involves catching up on sleep in a quiet comfortable king sized hotel room bed followed by 3 uninterrupted meals. Amen.

18. Your once picture perfect and color coordinated home now looks like a toy store just vomited all over it, at first you’ll try to put them away when guests comes over but eventually you’ll just embrace it and try to make it seem like it was intentional by referring to it as the “play area.”


19. Negotiating with a toddler is very much like negotiating with a terrorist. Although most schools of thought advise against it at times you find yourself with no other choice but to strike a deal like when your prized orchid is about to be pulled out of it’s roots. So be prepared, they may walk funny but they drive a hard bargain.

20. Your day will begin as soon as your toddler’s bedtime starts. Yup those 4 hours will become so sacred you’ll try to have a meaningful conversation with your husband, eat an actual meal while catching up on your Netflix series and replying to work emails all at once.

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33 Truths Nobody Tells You About Being Pregnant

7 Reasons Why I Love Bridget Jones Baby

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After more than a decade, our favorite neurotic funny London gal is back with Bridget Jones Baby. Yes, Baby! She’s pregnant this time around except she’s not sure who the father is. It comes out tomorrow in cinemas across Lebanon and here are 10 Reasons Why I Love it and you will too and don’t worry No Spoilers here…

1. She’s been through it all, the lonely singleton life, cheating boyfriends, commitment-phobes, devastating breakups, ego-maniac workaholic men, snobby married couples and judgmental people all the while making us laugh till our bellies hurt. And now we get to watch her become a mother for the first time!

2. She’s totally relatable because she’s not your perfect heroine stereotype, she’s struggled with her weight like many of us, she always has messy disheveled hair (and not in a sexy salon way), has to remind herself to wax before her dates and wears embarrassing granny panties. How can you not love her?

Bridget Jones's Baby

3. She’s awkward, clumsy, cheesy, funny, and has had her fair share of work place disasters and public humiliation incidents throughout the years, yet despite all those downfalls (literally) she’s still managed to become a successful high flying TV executive who can brush it all off and bravely walk into the office each day and face her coworkers like nothing was. You gotta admire that kind of bravery, I can barely eat at a restaurant alone!

4. She’s an inspiration. Put aside her hilarious self-depreciation, Bridget Jones has never stopped trying to find happiness for herself, and now 12 years later she’s in her 40s and although she hasn’t found herself “the one” and I love that. Instead, she’s got a great career, a lovely apartment and great life and she seems totally satisfied with it.

5. She’s evolved in different ways, changing her lifestyle, quitting smoking and drinking, getting into fitness and reaching her ideal weight goal. But the story now shows us that despite being able to control all these “factors” that are supposed to make us complete, you’ll never have a perfect life because some things you just can’t control.

6.She’s never taken the typical route and her decisions constantly challenge the way society is telling her how her life ought to be, (much to the dismay of her mother and grandmother.) This time however instead of seeing her endure heartbreak from the men in her life once again, we get to see two handsome men hilariously brawling over her and her baby. Go Bridget!

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7.It’s so cool seeing her motherhood instincts kick in, she now wants only what’s best for her child, and although there are lots of laughs expect many tender moments as well, as Bridget Jones embarks on the most important journey of her life to date, becoming a mom.

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23 MORE Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby

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You loved 23 Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby, and I promised you that as time passed and I delved deeper into the realm of Motherhood I would share more observations. Well, Baby Luca just hit his 10 months mark and let’s just say if I thought I knew anything before, I knew nothing. Here are 23 More Things No Baby App, mother friend or anyone else for that matter will tell you about having a baby…

1. That first smile, that awkward toothless smile, will make your heart do a dance, and just like that, every little pain and woe you’ve felt in the first couple of months will disappear into thin air.

2. You will become addicted to your baby’s scent , like a junkie to his fix, a mere whiff of your baby will send shots of dopamine in your system. And you will keep coming back for more..

3. You will go from getting scared to handle your newborn baby in the shower to having him/her on your hip, while you make lunch, chat on the phone and have a coffee, yes all at once. Queen of Multitask

4.The profound love. This infinite, heart wrenching, deep,immeasurable love. *Sigh*

5. Tears.Lots of them. Happy tears, sad tears, confused tears, tired tears, satisfied tears, blessed tears. No these are not your baby’s tears, these are all your tears.

6.Vaccines are like self-inflicted torture. You take a perfectly fine baby out of your home only to bring a fussy feverish one back. As necessary as they are, you can’t help but resent them.

7.Teething is the evil force always lurking in the shadows. Just when everything is perfect and baby is sleeping through the night, teething steps in to turn your happy go-lucky baby into the Grinch.

8.Not everyone will comprehend this life-changing, challenging phase you’re going through and everything it entails, and that’s okay. People will comment on your absence and say things like “Where have you been?” when they know EXACTLY where you’ve been, as though to undermine the fact that you’ve just had a baby.
What’s not okay is to surround yourself with people who just don’t care and still expect out of you the time and company they had from you pre-baby. Let those ones go.

9.No you won’t MISS OUT on everything. You will just substitute one type of activity with another, that can be just as fun, way more tiring, and a lot more rewarding. It doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy or come to really appreciate those carefree nights out again or a vacation alone with the hubby, it just means what was enjoyable before isn’t so much anymore, because you changed and it’s a great change so embrace it.

10. It sounds very cliché but the truth is no job, no success, no vacation, no award can be more fulfilling and satisfying as having your baby fall asleep on your chest, because those little hands clenching you and that warm soft breath has entrusted you with everything. Nothing can ever come close. Period.

11. This one is for working mothers. Don’t apologize because your new status as a mother is suddenly inconvenient at the workplace, or you can’t go the extra mile to over-perform like you used to. As long as you’re fulfilling your job obligations and duties, it’s perfectly fine, in fact it’s recommended to give your baby those extra hours for the time being. Stop feeling bad.

12. There are days were you just want to collapse. Like literally just pass out. If it’s not the physical exhaustion that will get you then it’s the mental worry that has overtaken you since baby was born that will get to you. It’s won’t be easy but just give yourself a break.

13. You will go from wanting to do it all on your own, to accepting all the help you can get. Some mothers will understand this from the get-go and save themselves the trouble and others will keep resisting to the point of desperation. Just accept the help. And don’t be ashamed to admit it.

14.You’ve suddenly developed the hearing capabilities of a fox, that hunter has nothing on you. You can recognize your baby’s whimper in a room full of noise, and while everyone else didn’t hear nothing, you’re already by your baby’s side. Call it a sixth sense, call it paranoia, all you know is since you’ve had the baby you’ve developed blue tooth pairing.

15. You’ve never prayed more for your child to sleep through the night and when he does, you will still suddenly wake up in three times a night just to check on them. Go figure…

16.You will stare. Stare at your baby playing, stare at your baby eating, stare at your baby doing just about anything. The simple act of your baby being, just fills your heart with sheer joy.

17. Even if you weren’t a baby person before, your own baby will make you fall in love with all babies to the point where you are unable to handle yourself when you encounter one when you’re alone at the mall. Like seriously. Take. It . Easy. You are Scaring the Parents.

18. You will show and tell them about your baby even when they don’t ask. You will slowly come to the realization that not everyone thinks your baby is Amazeballs. Doesn’t matter, you’ll still do it anyway.

19.You will come to hate the doorbell and the house phone, and anything else that can interrupt your baby’s nap time. You know it’s not personal but it is, so if you can gather everyone and trap them in a soundproof room until baby awakens you would, but people will think you’re nuts so you just continue wish for it silently.

20. And suddenly you and your husband are humming nursery rhymes and Chantal Goya tunes, even when the baby is not there. At first you feel a little self-conscience but when you truly embrace it, that’s when all the fun begins.

21. Your first trip sans baby will send you into full out panic-attack mode. We’re talking hyperventilating, erratic Whatsapp messaging to whomever is babysitting, scrolling through your babies photos every hour or 4am demands for proof of life. If the worry isn’t enough to ruin your trip than the dreadful guilt will.

22. Speaking of guilt, accept it, because apparently it will also never go away. Maybe you’re working too hard, not spending enough time with baby, not looking hard enough for organic veggies, not planning enough outdoor activities, whatever it is, that nagging feeling will accompany you throughout the rest of your life. Thanks Motherhood.

23.It’s true when they say “Enjoy it, they’re only babies for a little while.” Just when you were dreading the thought that this was going to be your life forever, you look at your baby and suddenly he’s standing upright in his crib getting ready to jump and all you wish for at that moment is for time to just slow down and your baby to be a baby for a little while longer. Ok I lie. Forever. Because that smell…

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Baby Luca is dressed from head to toe in Zahar Kids, Now on SALE.

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23 Things Nobody Tells You About Having a Baby

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1. Thou shall never sleep ever again. Yeah yeah I thought, not me, my baby will be different, he’s gonna be a sleeper, I feel it. He’s going to be Sleeping Through The Night by week 4 (there’s an abbreviation for this btw, STTN, that’s how much it’s discussed on the forums.) Yeah, no. Almost 6 months in and homebaby has major fomo.

2. Thou shall not eat. A full meal. Remember those long endless summer lunches in the sun, with some rose wine and meaningless conversation. Yeah you can kiss those goodbye too. You’re lucky if you can get past the appetizer before you little tyke either wakes from his nap or decides he’s now hungry too. So be prepared to excuse yourself from the table as soon as the good stuff arrives. That’s usually how it works. My Baby Luca wakes as soon as the delivery guy enters our house. Always on point. I’ve come to admire his consistency.

3. Watching series. We watched them all religiously. Tuesday was marathon nights. Breaking Bad. Suits. House of Cards. Modern Family. Game of Thrones. Even Orange is the New Black. We had so much time on our hands we’d Google “best series” just to make sure we weren’t missing out on any. Now when we do have the time we’d rather do something more productive like having a conversation.

4. Speaking of Google, how did our parents get through without it in their dark offline world? But let me say this, as much as Google will help you at times it will equally scare the crap out of you just the same, so No, your baby doesn’t have a meningococcal infection because of a search result. My pediatrician had to give me “the talk.”

5. There is no greatest fear in the world to a mother than the evil lurking threat of SIDS. They will warn you and advise you and tell you exactly how to put your baby to bed. The mere thought of it would send cold chills down my spine as a first time mom, it made me poke and startle Baby Luca in his sleep just to make sure he’s breathing. So as much as you should remain vigilant on the issue don’t let it get the best of you, be strong, your baby can sense it.

6.Thou shall never be free at 6pm. Ever again. 6pm at our household means Baby Luca’s shower time. We’re hardcore about keeping him on a schedule and he’ll be sure to let us know when we’re behind. So now instead of our weekly happy hours, we’ve got bath hour.

7. Say goodbye to perfectly primped hair. I remember when my hair would look like it was just blown out even two days later. Well between Baby Luca discovering what his tiny feet can do in the water and him finding the noise I emit when he tugs on my hair funny, I’d be lucky if my hair makes it through the day.

8. Naps are godsend. Like a gift bestowed upon you from the heavens. They make me do a happy dance. You’ve never be more productive in one hour like you are now. And with every half hour that passes and baby sleeps you pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on being the best mother in the world. Until he wakes up from the sound YOU made.

9. Speaking of sounds, you will not realize how noisy your home is until you have a sleeping baby in your house. I’ve become a pro at holding in a sneeze but I’ve also been giving the entire neighborhood dirty looks for waking my baby at one point or another, like heels at 6:30am, who does it?

10. Thou hall not be hangover. Even when you go out on the weekend, there is no day off from baby. So mark my words: Hell is tending to a baby with a throbbing forehead headache and grease craving. Hangovers are for vacations. Abroad.

11. Stains just come with the territory. When Baby Luca first spat up on me I would freak out and try to wash the stain off my top immediately before leaving the house. Now if a day goes by without getting puked on at least three times, I consider that a day well spent. You gotta rock those milk stains!

12. Speaking of stains, I can now dodge open air pee accidents like a ninja. It took some time and a lot of practice (5.5 months actually) and repetitive showers but if there was a world championship I’d go home with the gold (no pun-intended)

13. Whomever invented a pacifier deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. I carry three with me at all times. Don’t tell me they may impede speech those things can save lives.

14. Long are the days where I can just spontaneously decide to leave the house so casually. I now need to schedule a diaper bag packing in advance and time our plans according to his feeding schedule. There may be even a couple failed attempts to make it to the car. The process needs its own operations department.

15. Speaking of diapers I used to gag at the mere smell of poop. Now I’ll pull out a dirty diaper from the garbage to show my husband so we can feel proud of how much our big boy pooped.

16. Patience is realizing your baby had a poop explosion in his clothes right after his shower.

17. I would veto my hubby when he’d try to include his own decorative pieces that would clash with my country chic home. Now my house looks like a baby shop exploded inside it and we both have no say in it whatsoever.

18. I think whomever designed the buttoned onesie on the other hand was a misogynist who intended to purposely embarrass and undermine mothers in front of their children. if you’re still not convinced I challenge you to diaper change a sleepy hungry baby in the dark at 3 in the morning.

19. You know how Uma Thurman endured unspeakable injury for years in Kill Bill or Rocky Balboa trained in the rain before the big boxing match where every single exercise is meant to test their strength to the breaking point, well that’s what putting a baby who doesn’t want to go to bed is like.

20. Your once laid back nature will quickly turn into mother bear The Revenant style at the sight of danger.

21. When you’re not with your baby you will look at pictures of your baby. You will discuss it and film it and play it on repeat.

22. You will get addicted to your baby like a drug. Coming home after a long day to their little dough-like soft heat-generating bodies and gentle sighs are the epitome of love and comfort in the world. Nothing will ever compare.

23. I thought as more time goes by I may miss my old life. I don’t. Not one tiny bit. Our ability to adapt as humans is one that amazes me. All I want to do is be Baby Luca’s mother and watch him grow. Motherhood has been the most challenging yet equally rewarding and exciting experiences I’ve had to date. And I’m grateful to go through every one of the points listed above.

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