Ivy says

Are middle-aged Lebanese men in this city getting slightly more aggressive?  I don’t wanna bore you with another traffic story, but this morning a man tried to cut traffic by driving his beat-up vehicle on the unpaved side of the street. I spotted him through my left side-mirror about to dive-in right in front of me. So I drove forward and made it impossible for him. I mean, come on, why does this  guy think he can do that when the rest of us are waiting ?

He rolled down his window, pulled his arm out and looked like he was about to drive right into my car. So me being the persistent  girl I am, went head to head with this gremlin of man who now appeared to be missing his two front teeth. The enraged man yelled and screamed demanding I move over and let him pass.  Then he said the most outrageous jaw-dropping  sexual remark to me.  So I yelled it right back at him with the word “imak” in there. That’s when all hell broke loose.

Suddenly the man gets out of his car and walks right towards my window. I immediately locked my doors and rolled up my windows. He was bellowing so loud my window was covered with spit. People were just sitting in their cars watching all this go down like it was a very usual phenomenon.  Traffic in front of me just moved and I stepped on the pedal almost throwing off the man who was now holding on to my car. He hung on for a while longer but then I really stepped on it and that’s when he let go.

It got me thinking- would this man actually have assaulted me had I not closed my windows? My co-worker told me it was my fault- and that I should not have sworn back at him- that I asked for it. She said, I should just recognize that trouble-makers and let them pass, even if it means he’s taking away from my rights.

We encounter many many people like this everyday here in Lebanon. If we do let them get away with this kinda crap- doesn’t that mean that we have all become  enablers? Bisoux

We all know the Lebanese love’em some good looks. And did you ever notice how much easier pretty girls have it? Did you ever wonder, why or how we got our reputation for being the most likely to undergo plastic surgery in the Middle East?

Let’s take these two scenario’s:

Jihan-graduated from LAU with distinction, works in HR with an international NGO and makes enough to pay her monthly payments for the new Toyota Rav4 she just bought while helping her family out. She’s a hard worker. Jihan- is a genuinely nice person, she opens doors for people, she’s a good tipper and a loyal friend, but she happens to be overweight. Jihan gets crap from everyone about her weight, her mom, her aunts, her co-workers, her best friends. Everyone feels as though it’s their duty to constantly remind her not to feel good about herself- because they care about her.

Grace- graduated from LAU, no distinction, heck she’s just happy to hold a degree, skinny as a twig and can’t live without spell-check. Men honk at her all the time while she’s in her C200 and she thrives on the attention ( who wouldn’t?). Grace isn’t so nice to people, she oozes of attitude and bitches about her co-workers constantly, sometimes they can hear her, but she doesn’t care.  She enjoys torturing waiters and carries a key chain labeled “heart breaker.”

Jihan and Grace both like to go out and kick-back with some drinks at clubs. They happened to be at SkyBar at the same time on Thursday night. Both were very-well dressed, both were ready to party and both did NOT have reservations.  Guess who DID NOT make it inside. Thats right. JIHAN

” Not enough room“, she was told by the big bad bouncer.

As Grace walked into the club with her skimpy little bebe dress, Jihan vowed to change her beautiful self to become more like Grace. She will undergo liposuction on her thighs, a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast enhancement surgery tomorrow. She hopes this way, she too can fit in. Bisoux

Profile: She was the first to get a tattoo at 14. Yes, a dolphin on her shoulder. The first to have a boyfriend at 15. The first to sleep with a much older boyfriend at 17. The first to experiment with drugs.  And Now.. she has suddenly become the holy-ready-to-marry-husband-from- VERY- good- family. ukhhh

She bought herself a new pair of implants- which she vehemently denies- although she was as flat as a board. She lives at Pace e Luce’s- and she looks like Najwa Karam about to take the stage every time she  leaves home.

She is Youmna- a girl who has abandoned her identity because she is now blinded by the notion of marriage. Marriage Marriage Marriage. Its all she thinks about, it doesn’t matter with whom she does it, as long as he has a seasonal table at SkyBar and he’s Ok with her splashing out $3k on the latest Louis Vuitton.

The hypocrisy: she was the pioneer of dancing on bars- milking bar owners for free drinks making them believe it will all pay off (sometimes it did)- and taking boys home after a wild night out

Now she has the nerve to ask my friend not to dance on a chair- as ” khalas we’re too old for this, mich helwee.”  Because you see, she decides when it’s time and when it’s enough. Meanwhile this poor girl puts us all to shame with her goody-two shoes record.

Youmna is on a mission. Word on the street  is she has already locked her target- Lebanese- Saudi young businessman and is planning her engagment party. He hasn’t even proposed yet.

Her Mission: How is Youmna preparing for her new role as future  trophy wife? Simple really:  SHE HAS STITCHED-UP HER HYMEN. At one of Lebanon’s most renowned plastic surgeons.

And we will all watch Youmna on her wedding day- talk about how she’s ” scared” of whats to come later that night-all while her mom squeals with joy. And you see on her wedding night- virgin Youmna will bleed. Bisoux

How much does a couple have to go through before they can legitimately throw in the towel and just say, this is no longer working for me, it’s over?

Yes, lovers quarrel, that’s what happens when you spend so much time with one person, but when you’re at each others throats because you don’t wanna dine at the same place, isn’t that obvious enough? I know couples that fight at least once a day, and when I say fight I mean some major drama fighting. Screaming, doors slamming,broken glass, drama I tell you.

Mostly, it’s because of jealousy. He’s jealous she flirted, she’s jealous he checked out another girl. And then all hell breaks loose.

They’ll then make a scene in front of the entire crew and  friends will feel obliged to step-in and restore the peace. We’ve all had  those kind of friends at at least one point in our lives.  heck, we’ve all been in one of those relationships. Some of us chose to suck-it-up, the rest of us chose to  flee at the first sign of danger.

So if you’re a couple that’s always fighting yet still  desperate to stay together I ask you this, Are you too chicken too leave? Have you just gotten “comfortable”? Are you love sick puppies or are you simply addicted to the drama? Just saying. Bisoux

The tourists have arrived and they ain’t shy about making their presence known to the rest of us

They come in full gear, the designer handbag, the over-the-top hair, the outrageous outfits, the silly hats, the neon-painted nails.And lets not forget, no trip to Lebanon is complete without the car rental. Be it a Kia, Tida or even Range Rover. Which leads me to my latest query, do these people behave or dress this way in their county of residence and if not, why is being in Lebanon an excuse to break all the rules?

Let me give you a  couple of examples

A gulf man, wearing a shiny D&G three sizes smaller, with nasty sandals and enough perfume to suffocate a group of hamsters, followed me around while I was shopping in Beirut Souks. I was dressed decently, in other words, I did not look like a prostitute. But of course the man said stuff like: I love Lebanese girl and how much? HOW MUCH!!!! Priceless you ape!

I get it , we don’t have the best reputation abroad but this man has the audacity to treat me this way on my turf!!!

Or a 22 year old relatively good looking Lebanese Canadian guy who almost crashed into my car and ran over an old lady this morning. He was making ” betweens” driving too close to all the cars and speeding way too fast for his own good. Believe me, this guy probably adheres to all the rules back home, but thinks it’s his given-right to put all our lives at risk.

So what is it about this place that made him think: screw logic I’m in Beirut Baby, and I’m gonna do as I please.

Don’t get me wrong,  there is nothing lovelier to me than hot tourists filling our bars with new conversation but coming here and abusing the place you call home  is pathetic. The rest of us here are attempting to be civil, so how come the rest of you insist on turning this place into your own personal playground? Thoughts? Bisoux