One of the perks of living in Lebanon is custom-made furniture. Right now, I’m working with a carpenter who promised me the loveliest Parisian-style closet “that I will not find if I searched the entire country” according to him.
That’s good enough for me; even though I gave him a magazine cut-out and asked him to simply duplicate it. He did a great job on it except for the paint job- it made me nauseous. I had to get it redone.
So I sent my man out on a witch hunt for the best furniture painter in the city, someone who can make something new look vintage and shabby minus the tacky. After meeting with four, I finally found the one.
He was super attentive and knowledgeable when I met him at the workshop. I was very impressed with all the wonderful tips he gave me, the guy knew his woodwork. In fact, he was so helpful that before I knew it we had spent a little over an hour discussing the closet and all the great things it would become. He even offered to paint some chairs for me free of charge. We agreed on a price and he’d deliver in two-weeks. I felt so lucky to have found him. Until things turned weird.
“I want to ask you something, but please don’t take it the wrong way.” he smirked.
Suddenly, he was no longer the perfect painter, I took a closer look at him and noticed his shirt had been opened three buttons down and his curly chest hair could really use a trim. He wore a long gold chain necklace and it seemed as though he was bald but in denial, folding a patch of long hair growing only on one side of his head to cover the empty patch on the other.
“Um, yes, sure” I reluctantly replied
“What is the name of your colognia” he said as he gazed excitedly into my eyes.
“Colognia?” I asked
“Your smell, it’s beautiful what is it?”
I hoped this was not happening. Please tell me that the perfect painter I had found is not a sleazy old man now trying to stalk me with my scent. Why is this happening to me? Did he not know how long it took me to find him?
“ I dunno but I have to go” I said as I scrambled to pick up my stuff and get out of there.
Maybe he didn’t mean anything by it; maybe he genuinely liked my scent. I didn’t want to tell my man about the incident, I had a feeling he’d flip out and I’d lose my perfect painter. But the thought of being alone again with him again creeped me out. So I focus-grouped the incident with my girlfriends and the verdict was in: He’s a sleazebag. Apparently, it wasn’t right for a forty-something man (did I mention the wedding band) to ask a twenty-something woman something like that. What do you think, could this be an innocent question or should I make a run for it?
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Run Ivy,Run! I had a similar incident this weekend. Was out with my Leb man enjoying a cocktail with friends in a student-nightlife district. We were having a good time and as we start walking to the car,some intoxicated man clambers up to me and says ‘when u walk I can picture you naked…’ OMW WTF rite?! Expecting my man to have fists flying in a nano second, I grab his hand and give him that ‘calm down,he isn’t worth it’ look. In retrospect however,I realised how disgusting his behaviour was! I should have slapped him accross the face! Make no mistake,if that ever has to happen again I certainly will! I was just so shocked, I didn’t react in the moment. This kind of behaviour from men gets tolerated by us women,and that’s why it continues. To hell with that! Its time to speak up ladies-if he is out of line,tell him u couldn’t care for his remarks,and if its as bad as my experience-pepper spray his ass! These men have got to learn to respect women again-and we r going to be the one teach them how!!!
Amen Sista! And here’s the thing, men everywhere hit on women,and at times it could even be flattering/amusing/ funny. There is absolutely no flattery in this sort of talk, imagine what sort of mindset this buffoon you encountered has on women, he simply affiliates them with sexual objects. It all goes back to his upbringing and culture. And you’re spot on, the last thing you want to do is put your boyfriend/husband in a jeopardizing situation where he has do defend your “honor” and to whom? Some classless drunk? Most men don’t realize that their sleazy gazes and name-calling is in fact sexual harassment, they belong to the delusional breed that really think they stand a chance with a girl they decide to chase down a street or in a car. We should def try to teach them a lesson but I would never resort to violence unless it’s in self-defense cause him hitting “on” you can quickly change to him “hitting” you and we sure as hell don’t want that. Stay safe and thanks for your comment 🙂
How about: “I’m planning to get a perfume for my lady, and I want her to feel pretty and classy like you, and your perfume is really nice, so I figured I’d ask you the name and see if it’s within my budget” ?
Way to judge people by their looks and jump to conclusions Ivy !
On a side note, maybe he is a sleazeball, but maybe, just maybe, you overreacted just because he doesn’t look all that nice. If this was anybody else I would’ve probably said “Oh get over yourself already !”, but I like you so I’ll try not to be mean.
I wrote this post because I too had my doubts about his intentions- that’s why I wanted to pick people’s brains about it.No need to get hasty and I don’t give a donkey’s ass if you like me or not.
What an outdated pick up line from sleezball…. I would keep conversation short and about his work. Intuitively, you know his intentions about your perfume invaded your personal space. Flattery is nice from your boyfriend but its disappointing from a person you hired to do a project for you. I say get your closet done, pay him, bring your boyfriend next time, and assert your boundaries.
Lina like you said, apparently it’s a regular pick up line- never heard it until now- but those are some wise words”I say get your closet done, pay him, bring your boyfriend next time, and assert your boundaries” Thanks!
I definetly would NOT have run away!
I would have told him his comment was inapproprite and that I am here for work. And that if he can get the job done in a professional manner thrn he has it, otherwise i’ll find someone else.
Then i’d stop smiling and be stern.
I’d still go the next time, on my own. It is my attitude that sends the message along. And it will show I can handle things without a male attendant.
As for your fiancee… I would have told him, but there is no way i’d let him handle things his way.
Hopefully, he already knows u can do this on ur own.
Hey Christine, good too see you here-I like the way you would have handled things. I don’t usually shy away from confrontation or giving someone a piece of my mind when necessary, but his question came about an hour after we had discussed the work to be done and it caught me completely by surprise, I really did not see it coming, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions or “flatter myself” so I just avoided the situation all together. But you’re right- I can take care of such situations on my own- no need to get the man all riled up. Thanks for the tips 🙂
I think you overreacted a bit, he asked you about the name of your perfume not a love affair.. whether he really cared what your perfume is or not, you could have just showed him that you’re there for business and move on..
And about his looks, please don’t tell me you expect a painter or a “m3allem” to wear a massimo dutti outfit as he works with messy material and in hot conditions
Perhaps, you could be right. I don’t know, there is something about the fact that he liked the way I smelled that made me feel like my personal space was somehow violated. Maybe my past experiences have made me hyper-sensitive to such encounters. I never said I expected him to be dressed to the nines I was just describing an observation in a certain context but thanks for letting me know that “m3allems” don’t shop at Massimo Dutti.
It usually starts that way. You have no idea the amount of times people take my friendliness for something different. They start with an “innocent” approach and if you give a bit of attention they’ll see it as a green light. I think if the painter had no intentions, he would simply say “What’s the name of your perfume? because I like it and I’m thinking of buying it for my lady” or something like that.
The only thing I would have done differently, like Christine said up there, I would have replied to him instead of leaving.
Yes-Sarine you nailed it! It’s the misinterpretation of a girl’s friendliness for “something different” and I’ve had my fair share of naivety during instances where I’ve found myself in situations I really didn’t intend to be in-simply because I smiled (a lot) and was overtly polite. Oh well, maybe next time I’ll react faster or simply ask him to elaborate his intentions and probably put myself in yet another awkward situation 🙂
He just asked you for your perfume, that doesn’t make him a pervert
I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just like that. I’m sure context plays a significant role in this and he could have been a sleazeball, sure. But, just as likely, he could have just been friendly – which actually, I feel like is more probable based on the nature of the question. He didn’t ask anything overtly suggestive. I would have taken the compliment or just ignored him (as he hoped you wouldn’t take it the wrong way) and moved on. If you still feel uneasy about it, just have your guy or a friend with you when he’s getting the job done.
Though I’d like to note that the way you described the man was pretty condescending. He’s not going to be clean cut and handsome doing labour-based work. He’s painting. Try not to judge his intentions based on his looks.
That’s a definite pick-up line Ivy, I’ve had a guy try the “cologna” line on me in an elevator. But you know, if you’re really insisting on that closet being painted the right way maybe he’s not the rude type. My advice, next time bring you man or even your mom with you he might be put to shame and you’ll still have your closet.