1) The Trouble Maker with the belly in a tracksuit
You know shit is about to hit the fan as soon as you spot this one making a fuss at check-in. He’s already cut-in line twice while his poor wife and kids tag along, no one has the guts to stand up to him, so they end up giving them the dirty looks. He’s 27 kilos over the limited baggage allowance but he won’t budge. He’s been holding up the queue for an hour until the supervisor gave him the ultimatum ( pay or leave the bags behind) while he glares at him murderously. Back in Beirut, he would most likely have whacked the guy or called-in wasta, but he’s still in Rome and he’s on his best behavior. So he decides to take it all out as soon as he boards the Lebanese flight. He spots an East Indian man on what is supposed to be the seat next to him and flips out. He announces to the flight attendant that he will not be sitting in his assigned seat with no justification, just very matter-of-factly. Things get very tense and messy before the short older male attendant that-looks-like-a-captain-but-is -not-the-captain intervenes, refers to him as “Monsieur” and offers him a seat in the exit row isle. Impressed, trouble maker leaves his entire brood behind as he nestles in his comfortable new seat.
2) The Flight Attendant en route to an 80’s Glamor Shoot
Fuchsia. That’s the first thought that pops in your head when both her and her lips welcome you on board. She wears her scarf and outdated green ensemble proudly as she ushers you to your seat.
She thoroughly enjoys going though each aisle to check if passengers have in fact followed the rules. And she lives for the moment when they don’t so she can finally practice the executive powers bestowed upon her. She is especially nice to the gentlemen and especially unpleasant to most women. She has a way of making chicken or meat sound like cocaine or hash. She’s happy to serve you but NEVER make her feel like it’s her job, just pretend she’s some hot chick that randomly volunteered to be on this flight and you’ll be fine.
3) The Lebanese expat
He’s the most successful of his class having moved to Rome for university, landed a great position in his field and never left. He travels back and forth on occasions to visit family and friends but he spends most of his time in Rome. He’ll never move back home and every time he gets on this flight, he reaffirms it. He dreads the noise, the chaos and the fact that he never gets any room in what is supposed to be his overhead bin space. Yes, he’s Lebanese, but he’s 100% converted to civilized. His strategy is to make the least eye contact possible and minimum interaction with his surroundings. It helps that he could easily pass for an Italian and he will not utter a word of Arabic. He dies a little inside every time passengers applaud post-landing.
4) The Negligent mother
She has to put up with her brats every day, so cut her some slack if she decides to disown her children on this one and make them everyone else’s problem, alright? Besides, she’s been dying to watch that flick starring Catherine Zeta Jones playing on the flight. And while everyone else is complaining about her kids kicking their seats and screaming, she hasn’t had this much quiet time in almost a year. Not only does she watch the entire movie unfazed by the ruckus, she is also impressively immune to the judgmental stares of fellow passengers urging her to control the situation. They can hate all they want. She allows those kids to roam the aisles and bump into people’s arms or legs as long as they don’t interrupt her until the attendant finally corners her into seating them for landing. Even then she considers letting them loose.
Have I missed any?
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The captain who’s telling you about the weather in Beirut is nice while you are traveling over Syria and rockets flying around you…
The Zaffe Group waiting to land to start clapping
The group of people who stand up to take their carry on bags and wait like half hour every single time hoping to walk over all passenger and reach the gate
Hahahahahaha
Ivy you are amazing!! We are flying back home next week and now I can’t stop thinking of the guy with the track suit! It seems I have been seeing a lot of them lately on my trips 🙂 glad you are home safe!
I think you forgot about the Lady/man, who lean backwards with their chairs to sleep not caring that the person behind them is so plastered in their seats that they look like a deflated toy…
The “almost famous” Lebanese bimbo wearing sunglasses IN the plane and a tacky velvet track suit, the socialiser who knows half the plane and walks around to chat with his friends meanwhile bothering everyone else, the avid reader who continues flipping pages long after landing, the muncher who is very well equipped (m&ms, haribos, maltesers, pringles, you name it), the habitué with all the sleeping material you can think of (soft socks, comfy blanket, plane pillow), the honeymooners who are actually enjoying the whole thing while everybody else just wanna be home, … 🙂
The college kid who misses home. He probably went to AUB or LAU for his undergrad, now living in the US for his masters degree. He misses Lebanon so much, for the sole reason of not knowing it as it truly is, but just having experienced it as a student. He tells everyone how he misses his grandma’s food, his family and his friends, the partying in Lebanon and the girls. While listening to him most of us get really jealous and wish we were still his age
Hahaha I guess you missed nothing. You are hilarious and I enjoyed it all. Keep on the good job 🙂
hahahahah the track suit guy! epic. And there is always that guy that falls asleep as soon as he steps into the plane up until landing…always oblivious to all of the above! #envy
Yes,the maid the negligent mother didn’t get on the flight :P:P
You forgot the chick who arrives at the airport decked out in 6inch stilletos, a mane of hair extensions stolen from what looks to be a lion, jeans so tight they cut off her circulation and enough jewellery to sink a ship. Her check-in experience is usually a game of Where’s Wally in which security spends a half hour trying to find whatever god-forsaken piece of metal on her body is continuously setting off the detectors. Meanwhile, the people stuck behind her in line fantasize about picking up that spike-heeled stilleto & driving it through her skull.
hmmm, let’s see, i think you have missed that annoying baby who won’t stop crying, the 2 motor-mouthed Lebanese girls who won’t seem to know how to zip it all through a 20-hour flight, and finally the fat guy who snores!