You’ve always considered yourself on the right path. You’re well educated, have constantly maintained good social standing, paid your dues with a couple of entry-level jobs and now, you’ve finally gotten the promotion you deserve. You’re also sufficient enough to have your own place despite the obvious disapproval of your extended family. But there is an entire society out there that’s keen on constantly reminding you of that one thing that is noticeably lacking in your life- that one thing that would complete you- that one thing that without- you would fail.
That’s right, for years old wives tales have cautioned little girls about the horrors of spinsterhood, an extraterrestrial pandemic that could hit women as they approach a certain age, where god forbid they remain unmarried! And the Middle East is not immune to this phenomenon; in fact we’ve collectively managed to take preventative measures by decreasing the “conventional” age for marriage from 30 to an astonishing 25 years!
Our misguided lies have also led us to occasionally repeat common myths like “you have to get babies before you’re 30, it’s healthier!” Carla Bruni who is 44 just had a baby by the way. Is it because she’s Italian/ French? Has she been artificially inseminated? PLEASE!
But get a load of this crap: apparently the more successful you become, the pickier you are with your men. Better yet, men are more interested in the good looking perky secretary-type girls; as successful women tend to intimidate them. What’s worse, higher paid women scare men away, perhaps that’s why most employers in the Middle East reportedly pay women less than they do men.
I don’t buy any of it. Yes, of course there exists a breed of insecure men out there that can’t handle an equal, or imagine women as their viable competition; men like that are only able to lure women with money. But for the rest of the over-achieving successful single ladies out there that have been bombarded with this rubbish- don’t succumb to the pressure, the only reason you should ever consider marriage is for love. *sigh*
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My relative who’s a doctor once worked on a weird program where people in their 30’s froze their sperms and eggs so that when they’re in their 40’s they could still have kids if they want to. Chances of insemination are way lower the older you get. If I remember his words correctly women are best equipped to get pregnant around 17 not 27 (yes it shocked me too). Around the age our grandmas had our mothers for centuries. No he wasn’t pushing for a lowering of the marriage age here in the US. He also is the guy who will put a rich couple’s egg in a poorer lady who’ll bear the kid for 9 months. My point is that if contemporary western society thinks it’s better to get married late, you should take it with a pinch of salt.
LOVE this post!!
artikel yang menarik. salam kenal ya 🙂
first let me say its awesome you’re a Lebanese blogger, love your stuff, but it’s really irresponsible to use Carla Bruni as an example for women when discussing fertility. Women’s fertility drops significantly throughout their 30s, and most struggle to get pregnant in their late 30s while very few women ever get pregnant in their 40s, although it happens. I have seen friends and relatives struggle with infertility, and other than the loss of a child, it seems like the hardest thing a woman can go through (if she really wants kids). Even if shes ok with the possibility of never having kids, trying to find a single guy with no kids who is also ok with never having kids is a real challenge. Lebanese men especially seem to want a hot childbearing wife, and 50 yr old men act like they are totally entitled to women 30yo & younger. Sadly the best most women over 35 can hope to do is become a second wife after a man’s broken up with the mother of his children, marry someone old enough to call “jiddu”, or marry a foreigner with less hang ups.
I do agree that women should not give up their success for men and marriage, we women do each other a disservice every time we play dumb and cater to men instead of ourselves. But in the end I think both men and women should remember to work to live, not the other way around, and that success is sweeterwhen you have someone to share it with.
Totally love this post Ivy! and i can so relate to this
Yes, and i see the same with Middle Eastern friends and colleagues
Its not a region thingamij….bottom line, we are ‘FEMALE’.
Despite being professionally qualified and being employed with a government firm, like any other girl from the Indian sub-continnent I’m subjected to this whole marriage and related fiascos as mentioned in your post!
Well…C’est la vie, yea!
Love the blog!
Cheers
Milna
I have discovered that clever real estate agents everywhere you go are starting to warm up to FSBO Marketing and advertising. They are knowing that it’s more than just placing a sign in the front place. It’s really regarding building human relationships with these dealers who sooner or later will become purchasers. So, if you give your time and energy to supporting these sellers go it alone the “Law involving Reciprocity” kicks in. Thanks for your blog post.