My girlfriend’s in a serious relationship. 4 years later her man and her are almost inseparable. So inseparable in fact, that they practically live together, except that, they both have their own apartments. I keep convincing her to quit wasting the $600 in rent on her Monot apartment and to just move into his Hamra one. She simply can’t be bothered to face the drama. Her family, her co-workers, the neighbors- what would they say if they find out? How scandalous of an independent 26 year old woman to officially move in with a guy! Oh no they would much rather she continued her relationship as is- pretending to conform to the restrictions they would like to see imposed on her. It doesn’t matter that most of their children are doing the exact same thing- or that their daughters parade around in their Brazilian-cut bikinis all summer long strung on E- what matters is that my friend lives her life in discretion with her long-term boyfriend so people don’t judge her.
This got me thinking- how collectively hypocritical of our society-you would think that at this day and age- we would get over our complexes and view cohabitation as something healthy and necessary for a couple before taking the plunge. NO?
But that’s unheard of in Lebanon-society would much rather corner them into MARRIAGE! But you see they don’t wanna get married- it’s just not part of their plans right now– they are happy as is. Why should they slide into marriage for all the wrong reasons- only to risk divorce down the road- simply to please the neighborhood? Bisoux
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I think the best thing your friend can do is keep her apartment and keep living apart. The “practically living together” are the key words. That’s why they are inseparable. And why would she leave her flat and go and live with him, and then if it goes wrong, she is left either returning to her parents or trying to find another flat at double the cost. I think the $6oo she is paying in rent is buying her the relationship. Living together is overrated and I’m sure she has managed to spend many a blissful night at his place or the other way round. If a thing is good don’t fix it and it has nothing to do with the family or neighbors. Good luck 🙂
i actually agree with mich on this point the apartment she owns now is her “back up plan” it’s not like they don’t spend time together in the first place. as for the points you mentioned true it’s stupid to accept being open and walk down street leaving nthg for the other to imagine but when it comes to moving in together suddenly the akhle2 and 3eib shows up. i just wish people will stop yetkhabo wara osba3on 🙂
I agree with you.
You gotta have thick skin. You wanna move in with him? Move in and don’t care what they fuckin think.
Mich spelled out my thoughts. Enno if she can afford the apartment… why not keep it? Its a great backup plan.. and they can still keep their freedoms and spend some type apart when things get tense.
6oo USD in Monot?? per month?
I had two professors in the Lebanese University that had been living together for 20 years! I used to think that it’s better for them to get married, I mean, inheritance, social benefits, etc.
But it was amazing how that “story” (which is basically gossip about a very personal and private part of their life) was so liberally discussed by 1st year university students. I mean those professors were among the best we had in the four years we spent there (well at least one of them was), but still students could never get over the fact that they were living together.
As for your friend, it’s interesting that she still has her appartement, if i was in her shoes I’d move into a cheaper apartment, heyk heyk they are living together, but always keep your private haven. But then again, I’m an eternal relationship-phobe 😉
I agree with Mich. I find living together too close to marriage. She should always have her own private personal space, otherwise, if any problems are to happen, the law wouldn’t protect her and she might end up on the street. They can still swap and spend the night in each other’s apartments, that would be more fun than being stuck in the same place everyday!
One of my best friend lived her with bf for a year and half. When they decided to marry, they surprised us all after the deed was done. No pressure. They were on vacation and they had planned to get married bf they left on their trip. I think it was great that they lived together bec their decision to marry was based on the love they had for each other. No social pressure and no religious pressure. Did i mention that they belong to different denomination too? My friend used to be very much into being the do-g00d girl, abiding by social rules. I am glad she lived her life the way she deems right and found herself a decent guy who loves her.
What’s the deal about the sealing marriage anyway? 4 years of a serious relationship, and people still look for a “back-up plan,” “freedom” and “time apart.” According to the story, the only reason they are apart is because of social pressure. I shall take the side of Ivy on this one.
I concur with you Ivy on this one! What’s up with the long term relationship if she’s not planning to move in with him if she *can* which she is! Is it better to stay apart because of the public? Isn’t it ironic? You do everything with eachother and act like wedded couples but yet don’t want to move in because you’re afraid of people *talking*! LOL Society nowadays! People need a wake-up call.
…. the main question here is : Why society dislikes cohabitation???
well it’s simple, for ignorant and really really old fashioned ppl, being with a man at night in the same house alone means only one thing: SEX.
for this society, Sex happens only at night and when 2 ppl are alone under one roof (weird no?) that’s why Cohabitation is a no no.
I personaly think it’s a good thing to live with someone for a while before getting married or having children. I get sad when I hear that a girl got married she got pregnant and then a year after th3e couple is getting a divorce…. I know shit happens but the little baby didnt do anything to go through this.
it’s the trend nowadays.
You tend to forget we live in an ARAB country, and as open as we Lebanese may be, we are still Arabs. You want to cohabitate and not be judged, go to Europe. You want to live in this society with the people, you are unfortunately at their mercy. They will talk. They will judge. They will give you a reputation. You can say you don’t care, but the next guy that will come along, if the guy you cohabitated with relaizes he can’t live with you anymore or vice versa, will think twice, you know why? Because he is part of ‘our collectively hypocritical society’.
It is up to US to make a difference.
If we give in to such social pressure that we don’t believe in in the first place, then we can’t possibly expect things to change.
Therefore, live the change u want to see!
As an American I think that one of the reasons I enjoy Lebanon so much is because immune to every form of social pressure. I can walk around in gym clothes all day, not have my hair and nails done, go live with a guy and no one CARES! Unfortunately I think Lebanon is a long way off from getting to a state where people forgo doing what is best for them for the fear of being judged by other people..I mean who cares! At the end of the day it’s just talk..is it worth not doing something you want because of the things that other people say? I think NOT. I agree with Ivy on this one, I say save the $600 a month, and go live with the dude..then take a wicked vacation with all of the money you saved from not paying rent!
I’m even surprised how come she’s living alone in this society! Even this is banned in my entourage. If she got that far, then I say “Go Girl”, do as you want. After all people are gonna talk now, and when something else comes up they’re gonna forget about your friend…and she and her bf will live happily ever after 🙂
I thought there is a law against cohabitation in Lebanon. It’s illegal I think. Any info ??