Back By Popular Demand
I called for an emergency brunch at Casper’s with three of my fellow single girls this morning. ( I had the yummy and super fattening Pain Perdu )
The Topic : Why are men turning all “anti-serious relationships” in Lebanon?
The discussion got heated, we all agreed that yes, indeed this is a rising trend. Here are a few reasons this could be happening :
- The much detested 6 women to 1 man ratio in Lebanon. Most of the men are leaving Lebanon for jobs abroad.
- Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Apparently we’re getting easier, why marry when you can date and cohabitate?
- The more girls are eager for something serious, the faster men run, and apparently we aren’t being subtle about our serious intentions, wanting too much too soon.
- Men today just don’t have the same values our parents use to have, it’s a generation thing
- We’ve become a generation of strong independent career oriented women, in other words, we’re being very picky. my suggestion 🙂
What do you think? Bisoux
Image: Ellen von Unwerth
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thanks for sharing your thoughts, interesting and daring as well, feels like a “sex and the city” vibe, curious about the average age of your fellow friends?
actually we’re still here !! reading your blog 🙂
my 2 cents to your post :
The much detested 6 women to 1 man ratio in Lebanon. Most of the men are leaving Lebanon for jobs abroad.
My say : This ratio is not true !
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Apparently we’re getting easier, why marry when you can date and cohabitate?
my say : It is not for stated reason, personally i wont marry a girl that i have not lived with for at least 2 months 24/7
Men today just don’t have the same values our parents use to have, it’s a generation thing
We’ve become a generation of strong independent career oriented women, in other words, we’re being very picky.
My say : one must be picky when choosing his life partner…
and about the make your move initiative : i totally support you girls.
My advice to the lebanese girls: start by removing the ‘who are you to talk to me’ from your face when a guys tries to make a move on you !!! The rest will come naturally
author : A lebanese guy who moved back to lebanon after ten years in europe
hummm.interesting…seems we have to send some (or a lot) for a-few-years-trip-to-Europe 😉 hehehhe
Isnt 8 girls to 1 guy? hopefully with the dubai crises it will become 7.5 girls to 1 guy! ha ha
We are here. Men are all around. just say yes girls!
we do say “yes”; but who should be doing the first move?
Humm… Is this another FEMINIST movement??
we are sooo fed up of this!!! girls are girls! & men should act like men! c’mon people!
■The much detested 6 women to 1 man ratio in Lebanon. Most of the men are leaving Lebanon for jobs abroad.
THIS RATIO THINGY IS OVERRATED. EVEN IF IT’S TRUE. THIS 1 POOR MAN IS FIGHTING TO CONVINCE ONE OF THE “SIX” WOMEN TO DROP THE MIXED SIGNALS AND KNOW WHAT “SHE” WANTS.
■Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Apparently we’re getting easier, why marry when you can date and cohabitate?
STUDIES PROVE THAT COUPLES THAT LIVE TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN A YEAR OR TWO, HAVE A VERY LOW DIVORCE RATIO. WHEREAS PEOPLE THAT MOVE IN AFTER MARRIAGE ARE A 2-TO-1 CASE OF DIVORCE ,GET TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER (AGAIN GIRLS HAVE TO FOLLOW THE SOCIAL TABOOS THAT REALLY SUCK, BUT HEY DON’T BLAME IT ON MEN, WE DIDNT COME UP WITH THIS SHIT)
■The more girls are eager for something serious, the faster men run, and apparently we aren’t being subtle about our serious intentions, wanting too much too soon.HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. GIRLS TEND TO HAVE TWO IMAGES, ONE IS I AM A PARTY SOCIAL BUTTERFLY THAT WANTS TO PARTY, THE SECOND IS I AM A GOOD GIRL AND MARRIAGE MATERIAL. JUST A HINT: YOU CAN BE BOTH!!!!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH GOING OUT AND SOCIALIZING WITH UR HUBBY? BUT GIRLS WANT TO PARTY BETWEEN 18 AND 25 THEN RED FLAGS ALL OVER HEHEHE AND THE HUSBAND HUNTING BEGINS. PERSONNALY I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A GF/FIANCEE/WIFE THAT I CAN GO OUT WITH ALL THE TIME. DON’T PROJECT IMAGES AT YORU OWN CONVENIENCE AND EXPECT GUYS TO ACCEPT THEM. SOME OF US CAN ACTUALY THINK 😉
■Men today just don’t have the same values our parents use to have, it’s a generation thing
YEAH I’LL GIVE YOU THAT. 🙂 BUT TIMES CHANGED AND THIS APPLIES ON ALL WOMEN AND MEN ON A GLOBAL LEVEL. IT’S SOCIAL EVOLUTION (IT HAS ITS PLUS AND MINUS)
■We’ve become a generation of strong independent career oriented women, in other words, we’re being very picky. my suggestion .
I AM GONNA SAY IN REAL WORDS WHAT YOU JUST WROTE “NICELY” 😀
THE GENERATION OF INDEPENDANT CAREER ORIENTED WOMEN ARE PICKY AND IT’S TRUE.. BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT LEBANESE WOMEN ARE TURNING INTO. DESPITE WHAT YOU THINK 80% OF WOMEN ARE NOT PROVIDERS THEY JUST FOCUS ON FINDING A GUY THAT WILL BRING HER TO A HIGHER SOCIAL AND FINANCIAL LEVEL (IF YOU TELL ME YOU’D MARRY A GUY WITHOUT A FANCY CAR AND 3 BEDROOM APPARTEMENT,THEN I’M PROPOSING NOW HEHEHE).
I AM NOT GONNA USE THE WORD GOLD DIGGERS BUT MONEY IS SERIOUSLY BECOMING AN ISSUE. GIRLS DONT WANT THE NORMAL WORKING CLASS LIFESTYLE ANYMORE. THEY WANT TO TRAVEL AND GET EXPENSIVE GIFTS AND FARARA AND BEACHES AND FANCY CARS. THIS LIFE STYLE IS ATTRACTIVE BUT NOT WITHIN EVERYBODY’S REACH.
I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS GOES FOR ALL THE WOMEN IN LEBANON BUT 90% OF THEM.
IF YOU ARE FROM THE OTHER 10% HEHEHE THEN MY DEAR DEAR STRANGER, YOU EXACTLY WHAT GUYS ARE LOOKING FOR AND NOT FINDING.
CHEERS
wow! he have a lot to say don’t you!! Funny thing is, I agree with most of what you’re saying. At the end of the day I think we both want the same thing, but we say it in different ways.
Did you get a flower last night??
humm.. feels like all the good lebanese men are on this blog 😉
hehehe no flowers yet… unfortunatly I won’t benefit from IVY’s campaign .. I am going to NY on monday.(so u still got 48 hours hahahah 😉 … just playing)
Sabine, Good men are all over 😉
Why not go to gemmayzeh tonight? You seem like a nice guy, I’m sure you’d get one 🙂
Which one would you like to get??
🙂 I kinda go to Gemmayzeh a lot. I co-own Alcazar. but didnt see the campaign yesterday I parked in Sursok and walked down the stairs 🙂 Tonight I’ll make sure to walk around a bit.
Whatever the flower is, I am loving the campaign. Seeing girls making the first move is something I’ve been wishing for a long time now.
It’s a show personality, character and playfulness.. Lovin’ it.
I’ll make sure to ask the girls to pass by Alcazar tonight. Be prepared to be overwhelmed with flowers!
😀 free drinks for single girls with flowers hahahahahaha
its single girls night out then! wooohooo
hassane, do you really think there are a lot of guys that think like u do? i think that some women are scared to make a first move fearing what the guy will think and judge. men in lebanon tend to have double standards when it comes to these issues. they would go out with a woman for fun, and when they decide that the fun is over, they search for another woman to marry. not the best attitude
guys n girls,
the issue is on both sides… I’m honestly tired of hearing women complain..
this is what the good guys do, if you’re looking for the good guys, they’re the ones that are listening to you complain after some idiot they probably warned you about hurt you.
that is not a rule, and in relationships, in general, there’s no universal law.. each couple adapts a certain way, but one of the things that works is honesty. communication underlies any good relationship and bad relationships even with ‘just friends’ are usually the lack thereof. Be honest first and foremost, and whatever happens after that is exactly what was meant to happen (and that is regardless of how anyone imagined it would happen or wanted it to happen) so for most guys out there, and girls, just cut the crap. unfortunately in most cases there’s no real basis for the relationship, and so it’s kinda hard to sit a troubled couple down and go “come on you guys, don’t forget that you actually liked each other once, for a reason”
Now you guys mention the pub areas n clubs..
think about it: is that really where you’d expect to find a good guy? since I’m speaking anonymously here I’ll say yes, I might be there for example, but if I’m that good guy, do you really think I’m the type that will be trying to meet strangers in that setting?? get real. Statistically we all grew to understand that those places are for fun, with many people being drunk, many being easy, and looking damn hot. So neither a good guy or a good girl in their right state of mind will put high hopes on finding their significant other, or a beginning of such a relationship, over there. what will I be saying if I try to talk to one? first there’s that fear of rejection, where the girl goes and dances with some ass with a packet of cigarettes n a tight shirt (or maybe she’s with her bf?). Second, if I decided to talk to you, just by the looks of it, what kinda image will that give? I’m at a night hang out, all dressed up, and talked to you coz you look nice; awesome. Third, if the girl actually makes that move.. umm this one’s self-explanatory. don’t get me wrong, would be a dream, but what are the chances she’s done this once, expecting a good guy, compared to the chances of her being like most ‘easy’ girls that have done this time and time again (much like the guys do it).. the moment things go wrong, instead of having a talk about things, you’ll find her back where you met her, only wilder.
it’s not a single attitude, it’s a whole lot of bad attitudes all intertwined to weave a really crappy social network. lol sorry I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic. since I’m not such a bad person, I expect that it’s very possible that there are more just like me and even better than me reading and posting here, and out in gemmayze perhaps, and trying to avoid the bull***, and perhaps they’re not even after relationships to begin with; some people just want good friends.. maybe I’m lacking the experience, but I just don’t see it happening in those environments. It’s become a matter of chance and opportunity. I get the opportunity to meet someone new, and then, by a very slim chance I may keep a good friend, out of the whole bunch I met.
so where are the good men? they’re around… asking the SAME QUESTION about the women =S
Maybe they like to drive around, or sit somewhere peaceful and quiet for a change, maybe do random things like go biking. Perhaps catch up on all the movies they’ve missed.. but what next, hit on girls in the theater? hehe
sorry for the long post.. might never be read, but at least I’m kinda getting something off my chest. Somehow I ended up here after google-ing where to find the Nutella cake in Gemmayze haha
I fell on this article on yahoo!
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/dating-advice-7-mistakes-single-women-make-580573/
your boys didn’t let my girls in to distribute flowers last night.
Sounds interesting! And I think that in Lebanon we have the “Type A, driven people”. I always feel that a lot of guys, and girls for that matter, are always looking over their shoulder to see if there is something better.
“You cant hurry love, no you just have to wait”. Men are like dogs they can smell your desperation, that’s why they simply disappear.
You all need to read “why men love bitches” and ” why men marry bitches”. Cause there are a lot of weddings happening around, its just not yours!
PS where is this Nutella cake in Gemmayze?
Segafredo =P
I refuse to believe that I need to be a bitch to get a guys to love me or marry me. I have the right to believe that love does exist without the need to pretend that i’m not in love with him.
Guys make it seem like we are asking for prince charming & fairytales!!!
you’re right,
but it’s not entirely true that ‘guys make it seem’ like so… some girls really are like that, and they’re not just a few
This article made me smile soooo much even if i’m at work now! 🙂
It must be an issue in suspension in the air in Lebanon, because as soon as we, lebanese, go out of our country we stop asking ourselves these questions and stop being so obsessed about marriage… and we beging living like all the other young of our age do!
I lived in Paris for 5 years and now I’m in montreal since 08, and trust me, the Lebanese here, concerning this topic, are so different from the Lebanese in Lebanon. Some friends of mine here (ladies and gents) are 32 and don’t even worry about marriage “my prince? he can take his time, i’m not in a hurry”, they will say ;p
All that is said in the article is true, and all the comments are also true!
For ex, what Hassan said seems like a social thing in Lebanon! It stroke me when I came back on vacation last october : past 25, everyone thinks about marriage! It’s like as if the clock is ticking and as if you’re over if you don’t get married after that!!
So maybe we shall all have a long trip to europe or canada and come back after and live more peacefully… Or (maybe easier)… Abolish all this taboo and the “what will they think/say?!” thing and remove the stress in the air!! ;p
Many love from Mtl! :p
It’s because Canada is a Socialist welfare state. Women don’t need to marry and leech off their husbands.
I am a Australian born Lebanese guy who has spent most of his life in Australia.
I periodically come to Lebanon for holidays and have seen the changes in the culture and particularly the singles culture over that period of time.
There seems to have been a fundamental shift in the way people meet and interact in Lebanon particularly in the last 10 years.
Having been in Lebanon as recently as Christmas and going to clubs etc I saw that no longer is the family unit the main source of meeting the opposite sex, it has moved to the clubs and the cafes etc.
This is fundamentally the same as Australia and you are having the same conversations that women have here, ‘where are all the good men, they are either married or gay or in the case of Lebanon working overseas.’
As someone who comes from overseas it is somewhat intimidating as there are subtle differences in hooking up in lebanon compared to Australia.
Here if a women likes you she will come and talk to you, whereas in most cases it has been explained to me that in Lebanon, if a women looks at you it means she is interested, but expects you to make the first move.
As I was engaged to a Aussie born Lebanese girl here and not interested in meeting anyone, I was able to observe all these things while I was there a few months ago.
This leads me to my next point, now that I am no longer with my ex, as we broke up the day I arrived back from Lebanon, and she left to party in Lebanon, your questions as to where the good guys are is something I will try to answer.
All the good guys are working and trying to establish themselves so that when they do meet the right girl they can offer them a life worth living. Thats why they travel.
They realise that most girls these days want marriage to come with a ready made home, car maid etc. You may think I am being harsh, yet this has been my experience and it is the genralisation that is associated with Lebanese girls both in Lebanon and in Australia. Materialism is the key.
Those guys you talk about, most girls arn’t interested in because they are not the types of guys who go out all the time, have flashy cars or have alot of money.
If they are out they are the guys who are asking the same questions that you are asking.
‘Where are all the good, respectful girls gone.’
These guys are respectful of your parents and thats why they will not hide your relationship.
They are the ones who want to build a life together with you not for you.
They are the ones who have tradition and want to pass that on to their children, like their family name!!
They are the ones who don’t need to be told and have it thrown in their face that you are an independant women, because they respect you for whatever you are.
That whole indepenedant women speech is your way of saying don’t tell me what to do. No one is telling you what to do, but a relationship is built on comprimise and that is what is required in order to maintain a healthy happy relationship.
They are the ones who are like their parents and see the value in tradition, respect, honesty as the basis for a happy relationship not just Disney’s expectation of love.
Yet these in most cases are traits that are not held in much regard these days becuase they are not associated with material wealth and they are seen as boring.
It may sound like am bitter but that is far from the truth, I am just more wary of this arguement and hope that I make better choices next time.
As someone who wants to end up with a Lebanese girl, inorder to be able to maintain my heritage and be able to have the same values, beliefs, culture etc, it is difficult to know what to do.
Here the girls say the same thing and yet they are materialistic in most cases and if you go to Lebanon to meet someone you need to spend time to get to know them and then always you are thinking are they with me because they love me or are they just in it for the visa and the money?
Is it not ironic that the same questions can be asked from both sides.
H should open his own blog 😉
Thanks shana I may consider it.
H, materialistic girls are not only a Lebanese trend, there are everywhere.
It’s up to you to take the time to get to know them.
Ok, most of the women here have absurd materialistic needs and superficial social lives, I want to excuse them because it’s part of the lebanese culture but I can’t. We all have the choice to get interested in deeper activities than nails, louis vuitton, hair and make-up. It’s all up to you and what makes you really happy.
Lebanon is full of cultural activities, books, movies, music, paintings, photography, history…u name it, it’s all there, expos, concerts, seminars, galleries…and amazing little hidden places……..We just have to look for it.
I have lived all over the world, and I’m back now in Beirut. Superficial men and women are everywhere, and so are down to hearth people.
If you know what makes you happy and what you like in a woman, then look for it, take the time to know them, don’t chase them only in bars and hip cafes. Don’t expect a girl to love you for your wallet, take her to a cheap cosy place ans see how she reacts.
I really enjoy reading about dating, it’s entertaining, light, fun but still, I don’t believe in rules when it comes to dating. i believe in honesty and in shoes that fit and ones that don’t.
Wow all the talk about more ladies then men in Lebanon drives me crazy. I am a 43 year old Lebanese man who was born in Canada looking to marry a lady from Lebanon. I checked a few social network sites and they quickly turned me off for several reasons. Can you ladies please give me some advice and guide me to the best place to find a wife who will have to join me here in Canada. I think I am smart, well educated, hold strong morals, have a stong work ethic and a committed man. Regards!
heheheheh I can give you a manly advice… Dont look for a wife on social network sites, If you want Lebanese come to Beirut and socialize 🙂 you might hit a jackpot. (but it ain’t easy lol… unless you r really handsome or mildly rich!… hahaha I am gonna get my ass kicked for the last statement 😀 )
Nice one Sean, I actually agree with that last statement. It is very true unfortunately.
And barry, being a Lebanese girl and having lived most of my life in Canada, I doubt you will be able to cope with the Lebanese women’s (and men’s) mentality….I am personally having a hard time…anyway wish you a better luck 😉
Sean! you are so right, I guess if you look hard enough a person may strike it lucky abroad. It would be heaven to be in Beruit, but work and other commitments make it a challenge. Cheers to all!
Hassane has got it completely wrong! The study and FACT is that people who live together without marriage have high failure rates (break-up, incompatible, problems) in their relationships, compared to those who live together only AFTER they get married. Stick to basics, cut out the unnecessary layers, and you’ll be fine.
what studies? your studies? LOL
Read a bit my friend, it’s good for you. 😉
Wow, lots of insight here. Thanks Ivy for bringing up such an interesting topic. The reality of it is — when you bring any lebanese guy or any lebanese girl, they all have the same thing to say. No more good guys, No more good girls..I don’t believe this is necessarily true. I believe they are all around..the question at hand is how to link the ‘good men’ to the ‘good women’ or vice versa.
In general I think there are a lot of missed opportunities – people are usually too busy judging people’s actions.. The ego plays a huge role, oh she didn’t say hi, I’m not gonna talk to her, oh he wasn’t friendly, I’m not gonna be nice. These two people can be two perfectly good people, but due to misjudgments of character these people miss the opportunity to meet. Life is much more complex now then it was..life was so simple back in the day, if a guy liked a girl or vice versa it was communicated….now it’s all about mind tricks and games which causes the distance between finding that one.
I grew up on having strong morals and values …having moved to Lebanon over a year ago, I have to say, from my experience…the society is quite messed up. I cannot speak of the people as a whole.. as there are a lot of good people in Lebanon. However, for the most part they are moving in the wrong direction!! Society has become overly materialistic..in Men & Women. That men feel worthless if they don’t have a certain lifestyle to provide, and the ladies (& their mamas) are in search of that Rich Man..they basically prostitute their daughters. Everyone is living an image. (again I’m speaking about majority). They have lost their values & morals and try to keep traditional behavior on the surface (as an image). Women & Men in this country are so hypocritical – they are so chaotic in their behavior – promiscuity, drugs, alcohol – then at some point they are that good girl/guy and ready for marriage – this is the same one that talks about the other girls that are not married yet who are shrameeeeet. Such a hypocritical society. And I can’t blame it on the men or the women, it becomes a cycle and their behavior is created based on each of their actions. What happened to the one who knows what RESPECT IS….the ladies stopped valuing themselves……and so in return the men don’t respect women.
And somebody please tell me what is up with the affairs in this country. Every other person is cheating on their spouse. What happened to loyality.. this goes to show you..that the PRESSURE of marriage allows them to get married for the WRONG REASONS. So they take marriage as a joke, they do it to make others happy – end result is a dysfunctional society – what are your thoughts? Do I have this all wrong??
As for the EXPATS, such as Barry, life is not as simple as: I am a good guy, let me pick a good girl from Lebanon and bring her to Canada. You cannot bring two worlds together and expect a perfect life. I mean this has worked in the past and many people have done it who were successful.. However, ideally you would choose someone of a similar background. Perhaps a good Lebanese girl that already lives in Canada! Why go through the hassle of bringing someone to a completely new country.. This is not easy my friend. Just my 2 cents in.
Anyway I can go on and on…but im not the blogger here.. lol let me know your thoughts!
I’ll soon write something about those 5 guys who are missing here in lebanon…you know because they are immigrants…and since I am one of them, we also had some endless discussions about lebanese girls and what can we do to re-gain the 6-6 equilibrium.
This was posted like a year ago, interesting subject and interesting comments. However I totally agree with Gee. I grow up in Montreal and I came back to Lebanon since 2000, now I am 35 single not looking for any serious relation anymore (wiji3ni Rassi) pufffffffff, too much. Girls I’ve met wants to own you or own a dog. See I believe in having fun and taking it easy, I think that any relation is based on communication, living the journey, a companion of life…
I smile and my eyes glow when I see two old couples holding hands and walking, you see how they help each other’s in every task, it is like they really became one.
I am a nice funny guy, which I believe in equality between woman and man, more than that I believe that women are the mothers of life which the 9 month miracle happen in them, the Olympics Gods.
See the hard life and the hard way to make money make men think a lot, they have to provide and they have to work (a lot), if you check the nice cars nowadays you will find that women have nicer cars than men in general, they wear nicer clothes, they shop more and they go out more…
Men are busy to make the things, he should have to be eligible to marry or to make a family, women ask for equality and I totally find that they should be equal.
But if they want to be equal; why the man has to buy a house, buy…, and pay all the time knowing that women make more money than men these days.
They want to be like American or European, it doesn’t work that way, you have to choose between being fair and equal or being unfair and respect the old tradition that my parents and your parents lived and grow up on them.
I think the most relation that work is when a man meet a girl and they bound or team up together to accomplish a serious objective or a dream.
Lebanese women are 0. Not good mothers lazy housewifes and materialistic sufisticated. I am glad I have married Ukraine woman.