3a2belik; a statement expressing the wish of someone with greater wisdom than yourself, for the higher powers to interfere and make YOU next in line.
Enough is enough. How many times does a girl have to be subjected to “3a2beliks” in her lifetime?
On every single occasion you will get one of those. You get your masters degree and it’s 3a2bel lil PHD, you get engaged, and it’s 3a2bel lil marriage, you finally get married and( your great aunts can die in peace)- but then it’s 3a2bel lil children. You get the damn children and it’s 3a2bel lil freakin Farha of the damn children!!
Because you see, that’s what life is all about for us ladies here. Yes, higher education was something for our parents to boast about- but that only lasts for so long. After a while the PHD is useless, if we have no one to share it with, like a husband for example. Yes, the husband, the necessary accessory every girl needs to be complete.
Sure you are the top earner at your advertising firm, a job most men would kill for, that doesn’t seem to matter, at the end of the day you are a “lonely” lady that will be seated at the (GASP) ‘singles” table during wedding and will be bombarded with pitiful looks from all the mothers in the room, “ haram she is still single”, or “ come habibti I want to introduce you to someone and then maybe you’ll be married too.” So what gave this middle–aged lady the idea that I’m going to take dating recommendations for her? Seriously?!!
Why do these people give themselves the right to judge my personal status and simply assume that I’m desperate to marry and I’m just unlucky? If I want something- I’ll just get it- I don’t need collective wishes. So save your 3a2beliks.
Why can’t a single girl just be happy dater? Thoughts? Bisoux
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Ivy, come on. Do you think THAT much thought is put into the ‘3a2belik?’. I’m pretty sure they don’t calculate that you are a top executive in an ad company, but because you are a woman, you need to get married cause nothing you do is good enough, etc.
Well, getting married is not something evil, nor the end of the world. It is a happy occasion after all (or should be) and unless you’re marrying a neanderthal, it does not mean you are forfeiting some challenge being imposed on you. So it’s normal wishing someone something like that in a wedding.
I get 3a2belak for everything, but no one really means it, and i don’t really care. Just nod politely and move on to the fun people. It’s like when you say ‘3awwed bi slemtak’ in a funeral, none of us mean it, and it is a stupid thing to say, but we say it nevertheless.
Not everything is a life or death issue for feminism, cheer up, maybe their wishes will help you find a nice guy who hates 3a2belik as much as you do =P
Meh…
from reading this, it feels like you took the “3a2belik” excuse just to remind us or tell us how GREAT u are, that ur PHD, “top earner at your advertising firm, a job most men would kill for… “(do u feel like u have to compete with men? Interesting)
also i second Gino.
FYI: I don’t have a PHD and I’m not the top earner at an advertising firm( I wish) those are just examples…. Jeeeeeez
I’m anonymous.
Bisoux
<3 I agree… give her a break guys. "3a2belik" is sometimes down right demeaning. I sometimes feel the urge to answer "3a2bel yalli 3eyez"… but that can turn out quite offensive…
Come on guys (girls), you make it sound like being feminist means being anti-marriage.
I think it’s stupid to say someone is now ‘an angel’ when they die, but I am aware the people saying that don’t know any better, and pass it off as a stupid comment learned from older generations, without any real intent, or actually meaning it for that matter.
I learned that these stuff are automatic responses. I learned this by sitting with my 90+ year-old grandparents, who say it to anyone for everything, not for woman they deem desperate to be wed =P
Coz it’s such an insult to wish marriage and happiness to a girl! so demeaning!
Gino i’m with u 100%, i have no idea where the insult is in saying 3a2belik. Guys cop it as much as gals do, we don’t go saying: “oh, look at my career, or it means nothing unless there’s a woman there…”
it’s the simple fact of how our parents and grandparents were raised, to get married and have kids. so give THEM a break.
I actually agree with both Gino and Ivy.
It’s sometimes SOOO annoying to hear it 562 times in one night, and sometimes all you want to do is yell at the lady and be like “I get it, I’m not married, I haven’t graduated yet, I will live in a box and die alone!”. But then again, no one means what they’re saying. They don’t know what to say in the first place, but they thank the lord there’s an appropriate phrase that should be said at certain situations. *Insert “3a2belik/lak”* I agree with Gino, just smile and move on. No point in trying to “fix” it, or whine about it.
Thanks Ivy, your post gave me that extra push to finally put down my thoughts into words =D
Thanks Simon and Aline too =D
Being somewhat of a hardcore studying feminism type person- I can say that maybe it gets used a lot but honestly men get it for everything too. And it’s like saying to2borni or yeslamli or yo2sof 3omrak or whatever we Lebanese say – they just naturally come out – whether they are nice or mean in certain situations. It took me a long time to sit down and realize what I was saying because I never thought about it … I just said it.
So many haters, yay for the internet.
I think the real problem is avoiding these situations entirely by finding a group of people you can be comfortable around. I think that can only happen when you move out of your parent’s place. It affects your psyche in a way that can’t be calculated by getting the 3a2belik and other subtle “harmless” hints. It’s about living your life for yourself and outside of a community.
Seriously!!!
And it’s not just old or middle aged women who say “3a2belik”. It’s also young women who say it to their single girl friends. Just cause you have a ring on your finger and you’re happy being married doesn’t mean your friend wants to settle down like you.
It’s sad how we put pressure on single ladies in Lebanon to get married! And some sadly DO get married just cause they HAVE to. Heaven forbid they will be labeled a “3anseh”.
Stupid ppl.
3a 2belkon girls!
couldn’t find a better definition
3a2belik; a statement expressing the wish of someone with greater wisdom than yourself, for the higher powers to interfere and make YOU next in line.
lovely post
Ce post m’a fait trop sourire!
En plus, je viens de vivre des “3a2belik” a gogo : 2 de mes cousins viennent de se marier, d’acheter de beaux appartements… et d’avoir des enfants! Donc en presque 1 an, j’ai eu ma double dose de “3a2belik”
Mais bon, il suffit juste de sourire et de lancer un beau “merciii” a la Libanaise et de passer a autre chose lol
1. I’m happy I don’t live with my parents
2. I’m happy that I’m not Lebanese
Maybe that’s why I’m enjoying Lebanon so much! haha great post!
The 3a2belik one I can digest, it’s the “Why are you not married yet?” which pisses me off.. lol.. and I had happily written my response to that 😉 and I still give the best comebacks 😀 you should try it, pretty much fun!
have a nice weekend
Just like the joke,
next time you are at a funeral, just start poking them w going “3a2belik”.
I am pretty sure it will shut them up.
Cheers!
I would say “3a ra7tik” 🙂
The 3a2belik is a pain in the ass…
Why do some recently married ‘individual’ have to 3aebelik me? You’ve been single for over 30 years, do you need to rub it. The worst is when i respond that i am not interested, they look at me as if I just fell off a spaceship
Kelna bel hawa sawa, I get a lot of 3a2beilak each day…so just by relaxing and not taking every word by its literal meaning that we can live in peace…Lebanese people love to talk even by saying anything (related or not to the subject)
UGHH i know exactly what you’re talking about!!! It’s like no matter what we do, or how much we make, or how hard we excel in life, it all means nothing in the eyes of others when you’re SINGLE. It’s insane i tell ya. I have ppl coming into my work and asking me if i’m married and when i say no i get a WHY? I mean why do you think? You want me to stand on the streets holding a sign that says HEY MEN I’M SINGLE LET’S GET IT ON???!?!?!?!?! lol i don’t understand these women. just cause we’re single doesn’t mean we don’t have a line of men after us WE JUST DON’T WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE EVERYONE ELSE FALLS INTO. it’s better to be single and happy then married and miserable.
Seriously, they don’t mean any harm by it. They’re so happy they’re wishing the same for you, how are they to know you’re so against it for yourself? Just smile and reply with something like ‘oh no, not for me’ or ‘thanks, but I’m not in any rush’.
Simple.
It’s almost like if I was enjoying a box of chocolates and decided to offer you one, and you got super pissed off bc you’re on a diet. How would I know? Only by you saying ‘thanks, but I’m on a diet’.