Tag Archives: relationships

30 Things You’ll Learn By 30

30 things to learn by 3030 things to learn by 30 ivy says

I thought I’d share with you some of the wisdom bestowed upon me from this milestone new decade I hit earlier this year. My 20s were (a little too much) fun and unforgettable, but they were a time when I was struggling to figure things out while getting to know myself as a person.  Now at 30, I can honestly say I know who I am and what I want. And though I realize that some of these points may sound like inspiring quotes, they could serve as a guide and save you a lot of trouble and life-contemplation as you approach your dirty thirty.

1. Blessings do come in disguise. You know how our parents say this to help us stay positive when things don’t go as we’d hoped? Well its true. I’ve had many aspirations that never transpired and I thank my lucky stars today they didn’t, they would taken me on a completely different path.

2. We all seek success but success is relative, there is no textbook metric. A successful stockbroker may perceive a full-time blogger like myself as a complete failure. It really all comes down personal outlooks.

3. Stop rushing everything. I was in a rush to graduate, then I was in a rush to  work, then I was in a rush to get promoted, then to find my better half then get married etc. I don’t regret my choices  but now I realize 30 is really not that old, in fact it’s still pretty young and I could have stressed less because everything would have fallen into place alone and you will never have it all figured out, at any age.

4. Your inner happiness should really come first. Even if it means turning down that amazing job on paper or finally ending it with a clingy girlfriend/boyfriend because deep down you know it’s not what you want. The more you procrastinate the more likely you’re to be stuck somewhere you don’t want to be by 30. Brave it up. Use your 30s to thrive not struggle.

5. We live at a time where you CAN CREATE the job or business you want. When I decided to blog full-time some people thought I had my head in the clouds. Others told me straight up to quit fooling around and get a “real” job. But I just kept writing and writing and writing until I made a living out of it. It’s sounds quite cliché but hard work DOES pay off.

6. Sure Money isn’t everything, but it is something. Never be afraid to put a price tag on your efforts and stick to your guns, everyone will want a bargain but it’s up to you to value your worth.

7. It’s so easy to get cozy in your comfort zone and not pursue things. Resisting change, fear of rejection and adapting to everyday routine may stop you from going after some of the biggest opportunities that may come your way.  Take it from me, leave no stone unturned.

8. I used to want to call out every single person that imitated or copied me, especially since I began blogging in 2009. I’m at a point now where I’m confident enough to know that it’s not a bad thing, it’s flattering to be an influence, even if some don’t want to admit it.

9. Competition can be healthy, but most of the time it’s petty. No matter what you do or where you work, if you’re confident about your skills and talent  you’ll never see others as a threat, rather you’d guide them. Insecurity is so unattractive.

10. Take responsibility for your actions. I used to think apologies were a sign of weakness, how wrong was I. Apologizing and admitting your wrong can only be acquired with time and maturity, not anyone can own up to mistakes but there is an amazing sense of freedom and respect you get from just saying “I’m sorry.” It brings people closer and builds much stronger lasting relationships.

11. At some point you’ll grow apart from your high school besties but the real friendships will be back, you’ve both just been distracted. No matter how many new friends you make, none will be as comforting as the ones who’ve known you, seen you through puberty and still stuck around.

12. Choose your entourage wisely. The people you break bread with will reflect on you whether you admit it to yourself or not. Hanging out with successful people will unknowingly make you more ambitious.

13. Also, choose your battles wisely. But don’t forget to stand up for yourself, even if it means burning a couple of bridges along the way and earning yourself a “difficult´reputation, they may not like you for it but they’ll sure think twice before they mess with you again.

14. Best friends are not made overnight. No matter how strong the connection is. The quickest ones to call you a bestie, will be the first one to drop you when the going gets tough.

15. It’s okay to say NO straight up no matter how difficult/awkward it may be. If that’s an excuse for someone to cut ties with you then better sooner than later.

16. Take criticism, but never from the same person over and over again, you’ll find out eventually that they just don’t like you.

17. I was fast to lose my temper, until I discovered it’s very easy to get rude. Staying calm, collected and composed in the face of adversary is the real show of strength.

18. Getting back at someone because they hurt you doesn’t feel as good as it sounds. The best revenge is indifference. To Truly not give a shit.

19. Never talk about anyone behind their back unless you intend for it to reach them. Assuming anything otherwise is inexperienced.

20. People will always judge you before they meet you, so instead of being resentful, be nice and show them just how much they don’t know you. If they still don’t like you then they just don’t and most likely won’t, move on, you can’t please them all.

21. Take things with a grain of salt.There are two-sides to every story, no matter how much you trust your sources. People may see the dress white and gold others see it blue and black. It doesn’t mean you should always doubt others  but you should most definitely always leave room for bias (and bullshit)

22. Not everyone deserves (or even wants) your confrontation and honesty. Don’t call people out just because you can. Sometimes even when you know someone is being dishonest, sit back, listen and smile to yourself. It falls somewhere under diplomacy.

23. Invest in your own space, even if you’re still single, or can’t afford to buy one, rent one and make it your own, but most importantly move out if you haven’t already. By 30 your parents should be your friends not your caregivers.

24. People who told you to wear sunscreen were not exaggerating when they said it would prevent wrinkles. I started in my mid-twenties and I have to say I’m grateful  but wish I did even sooner.

25. In a couple of years it won’t matter who designed your dress or how many tiers your wedding cake had, the only thing that will count is how much you really make each other happy and just how well you get along.

26. Don’t make announcements you may regret. I used to say kids were not for me, my marriage will be different, “cooler” it will just be us conquering the world. And it was that way for almost five years. Now the thought of a stroller gets me all giddy and excited.

27. Space is as important in a relationship as is time spent together. You don’t have to like the same things, same food or same people or do everything together just because you’re together.

28. You can still eat what you want but work out a little harder. If you haven’t been to the gym in your early-mid twenties it’s very unlikely you will get active in your late twenties and thirties. Remember it’s a lifestyle not a duty.

29. Being self-deprecating shows you have a sense of humor -never resist the urge to laugh or make fun of yourself and more importantly never take yourself too seriously.

30. I’m not going to lie its tough to bid your 20s goodbye and admit you’re 30. But I’m more at peace with myself now,and if I had to choose between what I know now, where I am,  and how little I knew back then, I would always chose now.

 

 

 

7 Things I Did In My 20s and Don’t Regret

30 Thoughts Every Arab Couple Has Before Getting Married

20 Signs You’re Dating An Arab Girl

16 Signs You’re Dating An Arab Man

 

 

 

Avoiding Valentine’s Day Clichés For Kotex’s TheMakeOver.me

V day cliche

I know a lot of us both in relationships and single are kind of over Valentine’s day. It can feel so outdated at times. So as one of Lebanon’s first online and radio relationship experts KOTEX has asked me to come up with some new ideas that could shake things up a little this V-Day .

Click here to read my guest post on TheMakeover.me and don’t forget to let me know what you think.

How To Find Your Soul Mate

soul mate search

Although my Facebook timeline has been flooded with puffy white wedding gowns and cute chubby newborns lately, a portion of my dearest friends (both ladies and gents) are a long way from settling down anytime soon. I say this with confidence because they’re either single and really fed up with mingling or they’re dating someone casually who they would never dream of introducing to the parents.

So you see they’ve settled too, in their own way, either by convincing themselves that they should not bother searching for their Soul Mate anymore, that cuddling is totally overrated and they’re saving their energy for their careers or by pursuing a relationship with a guy/girl who blurts cryptic things like “Marriage is just something society created to organize people”

I’m not going to give you a speech on why you shouldn’t give up ( although you shouldn’t) or reassure you that there is that right person for you out there (I’m a hopeless romantic) I’m just going to share with you a brief list of how you could be enabling yourself from failing to find the right person for you.

1)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by being a bitter pissed off person all the time, going on unwarranted rants online and being generally unkind and rude to others just because you want to come off as strong and invincible. It’s just not attractive.

2)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by carrying excessive baggage from your past breakups and being paranoid and suspicious because you never want to get hurt again so you go on labeling the opposite sex as “cheaters” or “opportunists” and make wild declarations like “I don’t believe in love” to every guy/girl you meet.

3)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by staying in your comfort zone through randomly hooking up with every single guy/girl who’s emotionally unavailable too or by agreeing to an open relationship because you’re scared he/she might leave you otherwise.

4)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by creating all these preposterous credentials you require in a partner before you would even consider dating them like, religion, social status, bank account, height.

5)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by seeking your parent’s approval because no one is truly good enough for you. Or by purposely pursuing someone who lives abroad because you know they’re going to leave eventually.

6)     Speaking of no one is truly good enough for you, I hope you don’t really believe those prep talks. Sure you’re great- in some ways- but you probably have a long list of vices that your better half will have to put up with as well. So take it easy with the whole “no one deserves me” attitude.

6)      You’re not going to find your soul mate because you can’t afford to throw a wedding extravaganza and don’t think anyone will settle for anything less.

7)      And you most definitely will not find your soul mate if you keep posting silly quotes like “I’m single and free and it’s just me ”

All this is not to say that being single isn’t one of the most amazing crucial independent phases in a person’s life, a time where you can create some of the strongest bonds and make the most amazing memories with friends. But just like staying in college for too long, the fun eventually fades. And I am fully aware that not all of us want the same things out of life; like a beautiful house and bouncy babies. I’m just trying to say that maybe you haven’t found your soul mate because maybe just maybe you’ve inadvertently done everything not to be found.

Thoughts?

Also See

8 Reasons Why Arab Men Won’t Marry You

6 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You Back

What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

5 Reasons You’re Still Single; The Arab Men Edition-Part I

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits Of Middle Eastern Men

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Women

 

 

 

 

6 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You Back

So you met this “amazing” guy and thought you hit it off. But you’ve been staring at your phone for 6 days now wondering why he has yet to call. You’ve gone through every moment of your encounter over and over again in your head wondering where it went wrong.

You can stop obsessing now, Here’s why you haven’t heard from him…

ring finger

1)      He has a girlfriend/wife. And she doesn’t usually let him out of her sight. So when he does manage to get away he’s on the prowl. He didn’t really go to the washroom every time he excused himself; he was in the bathroom texting her or putting his kids to bed. You’ve been played.

 

too easy

2)      You put out right away. He’s now categorized you as a “fun-loving” kind of girl aka easy. And your keenness on reminding him that you “never do this” every five minutes only tells him how much you actually do this, even if you really don’t. Men like the chase. And sure, he pursued you all night, but now he has no reason to come back from more. Play your cards right and you’ve got yourself a second date.

didnt put out

 

3)      You didn’t put out. I know, weird. Some men may only be on the hunt for a fast hookup. So when he knows you’re a lady, suddenly he’s lost interest because he’s not ready for potential girlfriend material in his life, didn’t want to work hard for it and just wanted something quick and easy. Consider his disappearance a blessing.

Lindsay Lohan

4)      You scared him off. You didn’t have to tell him how all your girlfriends are married and you’re the only one left. You didn’t have to tell him how your ex broke your heart and most men are jerks. And you really didn’t have to tell him how happy your sister’s kids make you. What did you expect, really!

the chase

5)      There’s hard to get and then there’s too hard to get. Your aloof and standoffish attitude gave him the impression that you’re not that into him, even if you gave him your number. Flirting with the bartender didn’t help either. Loosen up and put you’re guards down even if you’re worried about getting your heart broken.

HighMaintenanceFeature

6)      You’re high maintenance. He was willing to overlook the full makeup look and sky-high stilettos if it weren’t for  your minute-by-minute Instagram updates, excessive texting and the 7 selfies you took and posted in less than an hour. If that wasn’t superficial enough, looking the other way when the bill arrived only made matters worse.

Enjoyed this post? Also check out

8 Reasons Why He Won’t Marry You

5 Reason’s You’re Still Single- The Arab Men Edition

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Men

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Women

What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

The Lebanese Politicians’ Wedding Album

He’s Muslim, She’s Christian, All They Need is Love Right! Right??

Dating in Beirut, Ivy’s Dos and Don’ts

 

 

 

 

Ask Ivy: Should Marriage Come Next?

ask ivyThis week on my Ask Ivy Column on Beirut.com I discuss an issue I know many ladies may be going through at some point in their lives.

Picture this, you’re in a steady relationship, things are going great, you love your man but that’s it. Suddenly you’re asking what’s next and he’s acting like you just betrayed the “agreement” you had, whatever that was. In fact he’s even disappointed you asked. So before you overreact click here to read my advice…

Many of us grow up believing we’re attracted to bad boys. But what happens when your girlfriend is dating one of the biggest jerks around. Do you stand back and watch it all go down or take matters into your own hands? Here’s what I think

You can email all your questions to tell.ivy@gmail.com

Ivysays Bisoux

Sex And Burgers Are More Alike Than You May Think

ask ivyOn my relationship advice column on Beirut.com this week, I get asked two very interesting questions:

Dear Ivy,
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I’m 28 and he’s 30. Recently, I decided to talk to him about our general lack of sex. He said that I turn him on, but he just doesn’t get horny that much because he’s spent so much time in the past watching porn (he’s given up porn for a few months now) and also, he said he gets self-conscious about finishing too quickly. I’m sexually frustrated and for some reason a part of me doesn’t believe him! But I don’t want to accuse him of lying after he’s opened up to me. What should I do?

Dear Ivy,
I caught my boyfriend looking at pictures of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I confronted him about it, and he admitted he looks at her photos every once in a while, but says it’s because he’s being a Facebook voyeur – just looking – but that it doesn’t actually mean anything to him. What do you think, Ivy?

What do burgers have to do with your sex life and why your man is facestalking his ex? Find out HERE

 

Dear Ivy, My Family Thinks My Boyfriend is “Cheap”

On my relationship advice column on Beirut.com this week, I get asked a very interesting question which has got a lot of people talking. Many couples here find themselves in the same boat and well it just goes to show how messed up the general outlook is. If your man doesn’t have a 3 bedroom apartment with a sea view, a slick ride and cash to burn (no matter how indebted he may be) then he’ll be casted out by those closest to you as cheap or unworthy.

Dear Ivy,

I’ve been dating a guy for about 4 months now. He’s 27, I’m 25. He’s pretty much broke all the time, but that’s because he’s self-sufficient, lives on his own and pays all the bills, and has a low-salary job. It doesn’t bother me, but everyone in my family is constantly putting him down and calling him “cheap.” Advice?

Click Here to read my take on the matter. Do you agree?

ask ivy