Tag Archives: love

20 Signs You’re Dating An Arab Girl

 

1. She’s the jealous type. The last time a hostess smiled and greeted you at a bar she threatened to “cut her”

shut up

2. The first thing she’ll ask you when she’s sees a pretty girl is “do you think she’s pretty?”

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3. Yet  she’s self-obsessed. You never knew someone could love themselves so much.

attitude

4. She’s constantly complaining. About anything and every little thing. Her life is a series of endless rants.

eye roll

5. You’re constantly reminded that she’s better than you and that you  should be grateful she chose you.

get a life

6. Calling her “not nice” would be the understatement of the year. The girl makes Cruela de Vil deserve a halo.

not dealing with your bullshit

7. According to her and her mother, everyone is jealous… of her.

jealous

8. She’s more judgmental than your 80 year old aunt.

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9. Yet she’s a major hypocrite. Apparently nothing applies to her.

hair

10. She hates all her friends. But they have no idea.

stabbing you

11. She hates all your friends. They noticed.

dont care really

12. According to her, if  you really loved her like you said you did, then you would give her all your passwords.

HELLO

13. Tantrums are like second nature to her. She has no problem throwing them anywhere.

flip out

14. And just when you’re about to win a point, she wins by crying.

cry baby

15. She’s constantly bragging about how all the guys want her hand in marriage.

lala

16. But the minute you threaten to leave her she’ll blackmail you with suicide.

suicide

17. Part of loving her, means that you get to spend your entire income on her. Every month.

shopping

 18. She’s always at war with someone.

rude

19. She basks in other people’s misfortunes. You’ve never seen her happier.

happy happy

20. Yet, somehow she’s managed to convince you to make her your wife.

marriage

Read More

30 Thoughts Every Arab Couple Has Before Getting Married

What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

20 Problems Every Girl Will Face This Summer

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits Of Middle Eastern Men

8 Reasons Why Arab Men Won’t Marry You

 

6 More Arab Crimes Against Beauty

 

 

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How To Find Your Soul Mate

soul mate search

Although my Facebook timeline has been flooded with puffy white wedding gowns and cute chubby newborns lately, a portion of my dearest friends (both ladies and gents) are a long way from settling down anytime soon. I say this with confidence because they’re either single and really fed up with mingling or they’re dating someone casually who they would never dream of introducing to the parents.

So you see they’ve settled too, in their own way, either by convincing themselves that they should not bother searching for their Soul Mate anymore, that cuddling is totally overrated and they’re saving their energy for their careers or by pursuing a relationship with a guy/girl who blurts cryptic things like “Marriage is just something society created to organize people”

I’m not going to give you a speech on why you shouldn’t give up ( although you shouldn’t) or reassure you that there is that right person for you out there (I’m a hopeless romantic) I’m just going to share with you a brief list of how you could be enabling yourself from failing to find the right person for you.

1)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by being a bitter pissed off person all the time, going on unwarranted rants online and being generally unkind and rude to others just because you want to come off as strong and invincible. It’s just not attractive.

2)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by carrying excessive baggage from your past breakups and being paranoid and suspicious because you never want to get hurt again so you go on labeling the opposite sex as “cheaters” or “opportunists” and make wild declarations like “I don’t believe in love” to every guy/girl you meet.

3)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by staying in your comfort zone through randomly hooking up with every single guy/girl who’s emotionally unavailable too or by agreeing to an open relationship because you’re scared he/she might leave you otherwise.

4)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by creating all these preposterous credentials you require in a partner before you would even consider dating them like, religion, social status, bank account, height.

5)      You’re not going to find your soul mate by seeking your parent’s approval because no one is truly good enough for you. Or by purposely pursuing someone who lives abroad because you know they’re going to leave eventually.

6)     Speaking of no one is truly good enough for you, I hope you don’t really believe those prep talks. Sure you’re great- in some ways- but you probably have a long list of vices that your better half will have to put up with as well. So take it easy with the whole “no one deserves me” attitude.

6)      You’re not going to find your soul mate because you can’t afford to throw a wedding extravaganza and don’t think anyone will settle for anything less.

7)      And you most definitely will not find your soul mate if you keep posting silly quotes like “I’m single and free and it’s just me ”

All this is not to say that being single isn’t one of the most amazing crucial independent phases in a person’s life, a time where you can create some of the strongest bonds and make the most amazing memories with friends. But just like staying in college for too long, the fun eventually fades. And I am fully aware that not all of us want the same things out of life; like a beautiful house and bouncy babies. I’m just trying to say that maybe you haven’t found your soul mate because maybe just maybe you’ve inadvertently done everything not to be found.

Thoughts?

Also See

8 Reasons Why Arab Men Won’t Marry You

6 Reasons Why He Didn’t Call You Back

What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

5 Reasons You’re Still Single; The Arab Men Edition-Part I

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits Of Middle Eastern Men

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Women

 

 

 

 

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Women

jasmine

You loved The 6 Annoying Dating Habits of Middle Eastern Men, and since I’m all for equality this sequel was only fair.

1)      When you first met her at a club she seemed like the most outgoing fun-loving party girl who wanted to grab life by its horns.  She made Lindsay Lohan look like a homebody. Fast forward to two dates later and she’s dropping the “M Bomb” on you. Yes, already. She brought up marriage so casually, practically implying it’s a condition. At this point you’re completely oblivious to the trap she just set for you. You would have agreed to anything just to get some . Now you’re about to drop a hefty down payment for that 700 plus wedding, jokes on you! Muhahahaha

2)      Excessive complaining followed by a chance of tantrum. Just like Australia is known for its Kangaroos, we Middle Eastern women are known for our soap opera-like tantrums when things don’t go our way. As a rule of thumb, NEVER attempt to win an argument; you will be annihilated for the mere act of trying.  And when all else fails- we’ll call in the tears. As soon as you spot them apologize IMMEDIATELY. If you’re not sure apologize anyway.

3)      Zero notion of Time. Fake lash application is more complicated and meticulous than you know. (anyone else can’t get than hang of it?) So If you need to be somewhere at 10pm just subtract that number by 3. So 7pm means 10pm.  2 mean 5. Simple math and no one’s late. I love win wins.

4)      Drama, we live for it, attract it, crave it, create it, and when all else fails, imagine it. Even if it’s a perfectly nice day and you’re having a stroll in her favourite mall, drama still lurks in the shadows. It could her over-protective mother barraging her with calls inquiring about her whereabouts or some random girl shop girl giving her attitude. They ruined her mood and now you and that unsuspecting waitress are going to pay. Brace yourself, put on your headgear and get ready to roll with the punches . Nod and agree (and nod) with everything she says and pray for the shit storm to pass.

5)      Part of what makes you a gentleman is your ability to finance everything. If you don’t then you’re either cheap or poor and both won’t do.  It’s pretty straight forward

6)      No you can not be friends with your ex-girlfriend or any other female friend for that matter even if she’s married with kids. It’s a territorial thing. And all your male friends need to pass a screen test where she will filter them out and decide which ones will do and which will not. No you do not get to have a say.

Did I miss a few?

Also See

What Men Really Want, Especially Lebanese Men

I’m Not Flirting, I’m Just Being Nice!

I don’t care how friendly and hospitable foreigners find Lebanon, people are just not as nice as they used to be. Everyone’s constantly on edge, drivers won’t stop for thirty seconds to let you reverse and staff won’t bother greeting you when you walk into a store.

But my please and thank yous have not faltered, nope, they’re so deeply ingrained in me, that at times I automatically thank a customer rep for bad service.

Now that I gave you a little background, get this-  it seems people are a little taken aback by nice people, and tend to misinterpret my politeness and general niceness (yes, I’m actually a nice person) with flirtation and naivety. That’s right.  Men often confuse my behavior with me hitting on them. It’s only when I frown and grunt that I seem to create a sort of unapproachable vibe.

So here it goes:

I’m not flirting if we happen to be seated next to each other and I make small talk. I’m not flirting when I reply to a guy’s funny tweet. I’m not flirting when I greet a parking guy and wish him a nice day. I’m not flirting if I answer  the cab drivers questions about where I’m from. I’m not flirting when I ask the bartender to fix me something different. I’m not flirting if I express my gratitude to the gas station attendant who wiped my windshield. I’m not flirting when I ask the waiter to give me his opinion on the best dish. I’m not flirting when I ask a police man for directions. I’m not flirting when I laugh at an old man’s cheesy joke. I’m not flirting when I ask the hairdresser if a hairstyle looks good on me.  I’m not flirting if I made eye contact by mistake with a guy while stuck in traffic.

I’m just being nice so stop being so conceited!

Have I missed any?

kindness for flirtation

Sex And Burgers Are More Alike Than You May Think

ask ivyOn my relationship advice column on Beirut.com this week, I get asked two very interesting questions:

Dear Ivy,
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I’m 28 and he’s 30. Recently, I decided to talk to him about our general lack of sex. He said that I turn him on, but he just doesn’t get horny that much because he’s spent so much time in the past watching porn (he’s given up porn for a few months now) and also, he said he gets self-conscious about finishing too quickly. I’m sexually frustrated and for some reason a part of me doesn’t believe him! But I don’t want to accuse him of lying after he’s opened up to me. What should I do?

Dear Ivy,
I caught my boyfriend looking at pictures of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I confronted him about it, and he admitted he looks at her photos every once in a while, but says it’s because he’s being a Facebook voyeur – just looking – but that it doesn’t actually mean anything to him. What do you think, Ivy?

What do burgers have to do with your sex life and why your man is facestalking his ex? Find out HERE

 

This Week On Ask Ivy’s Advice Column

Dear Ivy,

Call me old-fashioned, but I want to stay a virgin until I’m married. Now that I’m getting older, I feel like this might get in the way of dating. What if I’m interested in someone and he doesn’t want to wait? Or should I just not be interested in him to begin with?

-Not That Prude

To read my advice  you can visit my weekly column at  Beirut.com by clicking here

Got relationship issues, shoot me your questions at tell.ivy@gmail.com

ask ivy

The Crazy Girlfriend- A Series of Disturbing Events

Some people take longer than others to find their soul mates. It happens. Heck some people search their whole lives. No one is immune to loneliness. But sometimes loneliness can make people do some strange things. Add some raging hormones to that mix and you’ve got yourself one desperate individual.

Her name is Hoda and she always does the same mistake with every guy she meets: she comes off way too strong. She once invited a guy she started seeing for two months to the Maldives. She tried to trick him into going with him as just “friends.” She broke the news to him after two bottles of wine. He impulsively agreed at first. But the next day he came to his senses, the thought of traveling with a girl he barely knew to a honeymoon destination freaked him out. Naturally.

She wouldn’t have any of it. She guilted him into it by claiming she had already put down a payment. He reluctantly agreed but was so weirded out by her insistence, he tried to avoid her for the two weeks ahead of the trip. She didn’t care. As long as she had him to herself for an entire 10 days in a secluded place, she would let him have his freedom.

In a frantic attempt a week before the trip he told her he had just realized his passport had expired. She had a meltdown. He wanted to run as far far away he couldn’t. It was too late. She reassured him once again that this was casual trip between two friends. He succumbed.  Little did he know how much lingerie shopping she was doing.

She bragged to friends about her new man and how he was “already” spoiling her with a trip.  The people that knew of her history felt bad for him.

So off they went, she tried to hang on to his arm the entire time but he kept trying to avoid her grip.  He was shocked to find out she had gone ahead and booked the honeymoon package for the both of them claiming it was “cheaper.” Rose petals and a swan-shaped towel on an over-sized king bed. He was stuck.

He didn’t touch her the entire trip. He just couldn’t. She took hundreds of pictures to post on Facebook on an album that looked like two lovers on a romantic getaway. He untagged himself in all of them. She tried to get him to drink and relax but he was on his guard. Something didn’t feel right. Her emotional neediness had taken a toll on him and he couldn’t wait to get back to Beirut. He broke things off the as soon as they arrived. She still tried to creep her way into his life but he couldn’t handle more of her so he went ahead and ignored her calls. She went around down badmouthing him to common friends. Now he was labelled as the Ahole that “took what he wanted” and bounced.

She’s back at it again now in search of the next sucker she will make her pretend boyfriend.

desperate girlfriend

More on The Crazy Girlfriend Series here