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I’ve discussed the preposterousness of  our versions of weddings here in Lebanon before on this blog, but now let me hate on the modern bride.

She is obsessive compulsive, erratic, crazy, detail-obsessed and well most of all, a performer. Gone are the days where the bride enters her arena in grace and demure, we now instead have a belly-dancer on our hands  making an entrance- dressed in a costume rather than what I once viewed as a magical Cinderella- like gown, leaving almost nothing to our imaginations, at times even downright raunchy, her dress embedded with enough  Swarovski or zircon (depending on the groom) to blind onlookers.

During her zaffeh- she enters like a professional, preforming , waving to her people, synchronizing her dance moves with the rest of her  flashy over-priced dancers – that is if she isn’t getting carried in on a stretcher, while her groom does his own silly dance version of what she’s been training him to do since he got on his knees and proposed.

It’s a production I tell you. Every move, each gesture, studied, planned and timed.  During the first dance  the groom will hold her up like a sack of potatoes for everyone to see. Ughhh

And her group of enablers, from the wedding planner that convinced her to place live gold fish on each table- to the firework agent, that charged her half a million dollars for a show that will make her look like an “ Amira.”  Because every girl should be an Amira on her Big Day!

They will bring some superstar artist, like Ragheb, Elissa or maybe even Haifa to add more cheesiness.  And then comes the big-ol-fake cake. Someone needs to explain this to me. The couple cuts into a cardboard cake the size of a hut, which EVERYONE knows is a FAKE, yet everyone pretends is REAL? why? how? what?? And then an army of little waiters go around the room with tiny real cakes with firecrackers?  Have we finally lost our minds.

I think we have. God help us all. Three more weddings this summer. And you know I can hardly wait. Bisoux

What a weekend! Aside from the world-cup madness, yours truly had a happy hour date with a man twice her age. No, I don’t have daddy-issues, but I happened to meet a very interesting- VERY good looking man that looks relatively young. A few white strands of hair here and there, and some deep slightly wrinkled ( in a GOOD way) eyes. I don’t think we look odd together- and I made sure to dress the part , an elegant vintage blazer and a pencil skirt.

I’ve never experienced anything like it before. He was calm, elegant, funny yet so polite, he taught me everything there is to know about fine liquor. I taught him everything there is to know about shots I can work on his taste in music though.

He wanted to take me somewhere quiet to ” talk”, but I insisted we hit up Barbu in Gemmayzeh and then we went to Oceanus for some sushi. He told me he doesn’t usually date much younger women but that I have this ” mature attitude.” And yes, for those of you who are gonna warn me about him having “other intentions”, fear not, I’m onto him.  He does sound too good to be true, so he’s guilty until proven innocent.  Bisoux

Some Gin and Tonic- at Barbu with my "mature" date

No this is not a pic of my date, its one of many beard pics on Barbu's wall

Oceanus- as much as I love their sushi- they are clearly overwhelmed and could use some extra waiters. Our appetizers arrived with our sushi- after reminding the waiter three times not to do that. They seemed to care about making their delivery orders more than their in-house customer’s . And yes- I complained.

Something is seriously wrong with the ladies in Lebanon. How did we manage to get so superficial? And I’m not talking about your typical Lebanese bimbo, I’m referring to smart young educated ladies in this country that have put their morals and values to rest and opted for the rich man.

Yes, the rich man, he may not be as good looking as Samer in accounting, and sure his Ferrari puts Tarek’s Mazda 6 to shame, but who cares. The fact of the matter is Samer and Tarek are good genuine down to earth men that will love you just the same, hek maybe even more, since they won’t have pet names for you and their cars!

But lately I’ve noticed an alarming trend, young women are settling with dumber, uglier,  super rich guys, they wanna upgrade, they wanna quit their jobs, they want sportscars, they want that their shares in the country club and they don’t wanna have to work a day for it.

A friend of mine who I’ve always thought was normal,calls me, out the blue to announce that she is getting engaged on Friday. Last time I checked she was single. She had met him at Music Hall, he’s 36, drives a Audi Q7 and works in construction. He’s also bald, overweight and has hair growing out of his ears.

The worst part  of it all is her trying to convince me she’s in love. You know what, if this is the path you choose, so be it, but trying to convince me that your in love with SHREK because“ albo tayeb” rather than his shares in Sodeco, spare me and Drop it as fast as you dropped your self respect, there is no such thing as a bonafide gold-digger.  Bisoux

So we all lie right? Some us of tell white lies, others slightly darker. But apparently men and women lie about different things- makes sense right? Here’s how…

Top lies told by Women

1. “Nothing is wrong. I’m fine” ( followed by a frown and arm-cross)
2. “I’ll be ready in five minutes” ( when we haven’t even jumped into the shower yet)
3. “I saw him do it with my own eyes” ( Ok fine we thought we saw him, but it’s the same thing)
4. “No, she didn’t tell me anything about you, I swear“ ( even though we were just discussing you for two hours over lunch)

Top lies told by Men

1. “I didn’t have that much to drink “( he says as he wobbles to stand straight)
2. “There was no signal in the place I was at” (but you both know it has one of the best connections in Lebanon.)
3. “Those pants make your bum look so small.” ( but YOU know your PMS-ing and bloated)
4. “You’re sooo much prettier than her.” (Come on now, it’s Jessica Alba for God’s Sake!)

I made a point to steer away from any political talk on this blog. But the Israeli raid on on a flotilla of humanitarian aid ships bound for Gaza made me cringe yesterday. I just can’t digest the audacity of the Israelis and their incomprehensible level of  in-your-face hypocrisy. I did not blog yesterday in solidarity with the 9 or 16 people killed in cold-blood. Rest in Peace freedom fighters. Bisoux