Category Archives: TFEH

WTF of the Day

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Damn you Photoshop.

No Auto Khaled did not commission Nigella Lawson for their latest campaign. At least I hope they didn’t.

Some bright graphic designer thought it would be a brilliant idea to paste her photo in there and call it a day. I’m really curious as to how that process went down, are they even aware who Nigella is or were they just randomly googling an image say “women holding bag of crisps” and found Nigella handling some buttered cream puff or about to stuff her face with a ridiculously roasted lamb shack and so they intricately replaced it with a truck like it’s the most natural thing in the world?

Lebanese brilliance at it’s finest hour. Brands take note of this. I want to nominate them for an SMA.

Speaking of SMA did you vote for me? Best Fashion Blog, it’ll only take a sec here you go http://www.smabeirut.com/

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Sexism In Advertising:The List Goes On

Most of us were appalled by the blatant sexist advertising Mazda Lebanon put out this summer, but make no mistake, they’re far from being the only ones using sex to sell. Sexist ads have always been a trend and judging from this new compilation it doesn’t look like they’re going away anytime soon.

Check out more Sexist Ads

Sexism In Advertising: A Notorious Compilation

Sexism In Advertising: An Even More Notorious Compilation

5 Reasons You’re Still Single; The Arab Men Edition-Part I

1) Just because a girl sat next to you in a café or bar it doesn’t mean she is trying to grab your attention, look around you, perhaps all the rest of the tables are taken. Let her have her coffee in peace.

2) Don’t get brave just cause you’re with your buddies. Girls do not like to get hit on by a table full of buffoons and you probably don’t want to date the ones who do. Hitting on a girl in groups is called harassment. That makes you an offender.

3) Don’t force eye contact on a girl; if she’s trying to avoid your gaze, she’s not playing hard to get she’s just not interested. Plain and simple. The number of times your eyes meet will not increase your chances of getting her number. You just come off as a stalker.

4) A girl notices right away when your gaze shifts south of her neck. And no matter how many times you try to redeem yourself, know that you’ve been exposed. So fight the urge, look at her face when you’re addressing her.

5) So she’s wearing a mini-skirt. That doesn’t make her a hoe. She probably just has great legs. Practice good judgement. Don’t twist your neck attempting to follow her every foot step just to take it all in before she’s out of sight. You exude perverseness and desperation, especially if you’re with another girl.

Also check out

The 6 Annoying Dating Habits Of Middle Eastern Men

What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

B%*#% What You Looking At?

I get why men stare at women, mommy explained that to me at the tender age of 10, but what the hell is up with the women who stare at women?

I’m referring to the type of women you see when you’re out and about, at the mall or a restaurant who make it their mission to take-in every detail about you. They fixate like a teething puppy on a pair of stilettos. The entire purpose of their being will be to examine you. Like crackheads they become consumed with  you. Their bulging eyes pop out of their heads and their necks twist as they size you up s-l-o-w-l-y and shamelessly from head to toe. And you know that somewhere in their sick heads; some little ticker is archiving everything.

I was doing some grocery shopping the other day placing my items on the cashier’s counter when I felt two pairs of scrutinizing eyes burning holes through me. Behind me stood two relatively young women. One was top heavy wearing a sheer crimson top that did no justice to her already sagging rack and the other was a what’s considered a big woman with a difficult-to-miss hairy mole on her right cheek. They both looked like life may not have been too kind on them and  had this bitter confrontational look on their faces. The kinda look that spelled trouble.

I quickly gazed in their direction, giving them one of those “I know you’re staring so stop” kinda looks but they didn’t budge. Instead they held the stare right back at me until we were all interrupted by the cashier who noticed that I had forgotten to get one of my veggies priced. Seconds later, I felt their vicious eyes on me once again but this time they were accompanied with not-so-discreet whispers and giggles. At that moment, one of them pressed my then empty cart on my hips and rudely said “can you move this” as she tried to make way for her cart.

The cashier was now aware of the situation. It was like watching a scene from the National Geographic. A duel created to simply establish the peck order. The grocery store had suddenly become the jungle. I could either concede or stand my ground.

Let me tell you they messed with the wrong species that day.

“My cart will stay here” I hissed as I firmly gripped the cart with my claws and pushed back “and I will move it only when I’M done”

It was obvious my reaction took them by surprise. They tried to save face by acting unthreatened by my show of force. Suddenly, they looked much smaller in size and less intimidating so I decided to take go all the way, teach dem bitches a lesson they’ll never forget.

“By the way, they sell mirrors downstairs you should really look at one before leaving the house next time.”

I waited for their next move but nothing. Checkmate. And just like that I made my glorious exit, leaving them with their jaws hanging in the air.

 

Read More On Staring Problems

Stop Staring At Me

PDA-The Lebanese Way

Seriously, tell us how you really feel. Just when I thought I had a romantic Valentine Abdo here had to show up and upstage everyone.

Lebanese Rank #6 Most Romantic Nationality In The World

It’s nice to see us finally making the news for love not war. According to this list aggregated by CNNgo Lebanese people have been ranked #6 for being the world’s most romantic peoples, falling just behind the Brazilian’s, the French and get this- them Italians. Inneresting…  The article describes Lebanese people as

“They are different from the rest of the Arab world and they know it. Blessed with olive skin, soulful dark eyes and smoldering looks (not to mention a penchant by some for surgical enhancement), the Lebanese make full use of their physical attributes.

Combine this with Beirut, the region’s most liberal capital with a ton of slick nightspots, and you have the ingredients for a host of sexy, but classy, encounters.

Just wear something bright — there’s a fair chance he’ll be wearing expensive shades.

Seduction secret: Liberal application of hair gel and a designer shirt.

Oh how lovely. How wonderfully stereotypical.  I’m surrounded by olives. Yes I have a bunch of them with my labneh every morning, but the last time I checked my skin was not olive green, I mean, that’s like comparing a French person’s skin to cheese. And yes, I know we come off as super exotic and our dark mysterious eyes hide all our oriental secrets. PUlease who wrote this? And you hear that ladies? Surgical enhancements. Fantastically Plastic. Wear bright outfits and if you’re lucky enough he’ll bring out his D&G shades tonight. But the cherry on top of the cake? The Lebanese girl in the picture is the only one unfazed by her man and way more interested in the bling on her finger.

Oh well, don’t blame them, blame us, the very people that brought this shallow description onto ourselves. Jokes aside, congrats my fellow Don Juans for this romantic reputation and making the list. Gotta go, my magic carpet awaits.

Will You Be My Second Wife?

My former colleague Diana met her boyfriend Hadi on the street. No really, she did.  He then chased her down in his car and begged her for her number. Her first impulse was to run away from this stalker but she took one look at his face and was smitten. She stopped at the side of the road and they exchanged numbers. One date led to another and before you know it they’ve been dating for 6 months. They have no mutual friends, both lived on different sides of the country, and although she felt it was right when they were together- something was seriously off.

Hadi was only available during the day. Come afternoon, his cell turns off; he never even calls her for an evening chat. He says it’s because he lives with his parents and doesn’t have much privacy. Did I mention he’s 30!  Each time she tried to question him, he managed  to charm his way out.  Hadi clearly had a secret.

He did indeed. My friend Lara and I were walking about in ABC Ashrafieh  last month when we spotted Hadi with a lady, pushing around a baby in a stroller. We couldn’t believe our eyes. I bb’ed Diana, she tried calling him but he didn’t pick up. Hadi was married!

She confronted him with the news, and he confessed. But he also said that they’re on the “verge” of divorce and are trying to keep things civil for the baby’s sake. Worst part of it all, Diana bought into it again. She says she “loves” him and is willing to stick it out.  He even convinced her to stop seeing us since we’re just “jealous” of what they have.

Little birdie told me this morning that Diana’s been shopping around for a Chanel-esque white suit for her Katb IKtab. Hadi may not be getting divorced but that didn’t stop him from making an honest woman out of Diana. Diana doesn’t know this, yet but one day Hadi will let yet another woman pass that intersection…

Autostrade Adventures

For all we know, this guy may as well have killed his boss, threw him in a plastic bag and dragged him with his mobilette on the highway because no one seemed to look twice at this sight!  Fine, he may just be picking up his boss’s suit from the dry cleaners but seriously, talk about being resourceful.

Dry Cleaning LL,15,000 LL

Gas for Mobilette LL20,000LL

Taking the time to crack a smile while dragging your boss’s clean suit on the highway: PRICELESS

TFEH of the Day

If you’re a woman looking at this you’re prolly really pissed right now. If you’re a man with some good judgement,  you should be too.  If milk could talk, it would retract this Ad.

This disgrace of an Ad @stephanienour  tweeted this morning calls for the re-invigoration of the Open Letter To Men I wrote back in December.

 My Dearest Men…