She likes to come off as thick-skinned and nonchalant to everyone around her, but in reality she’s a needy little girl who’s terrified of being alone with herself. Her excessive emotional need and constant urge to feed her oversized ego have blinded her with the determination to acquire testosterone she can call her own.

So she puts on her mask every morning and throws herself at the first guy who’ll buy her act. She’ll make him do EVERYTHING with her as though he were some sort of fashion accessory. Her entire life will revolve around this one guy; she’ll even manage his Facebook profile and reply to comments on his behalf. Her severe jealousy will force him to ostracize all his female friends. She’ll limit his weekly soccer games with the guys and suddenly he’ll find himself joining her girls on their nights out. And if the poor man ever managed to get away to tend to a pressing family affair, she’ll hammer him with phone calls until his entire family start rolling their eyes.

At this point one of two things will occur:

1) She would have dominated him to the extent where he surrenders his soul to her and before he knows it he’s choosing between petunias and orchids for the wedding he somehow managed to find himself hypnotized into.

2) Her smell of desperation and crazy obsession with control begins to seep through the cracks and the lucky man will make a run for it.

So to all you poor hardworking unsuspecting fellows out there going out for a good time tonight, let’s hope you don’t fall for that forward approach and forthcoming smile, she’s hungry and has been sharpening her fangs for awhile. Bisoux

Enjoyed this post? Then check out 5 Lebanese Ways To Turn Off A Man 

and

Men Love Bitches- The Case Study

 2)       Flaunting your finances when wooing a woman, wining and dining her at the priciest spots in town, ordering the ridiculous magnum champagne bottles and showering her with expensive gifts only to later complain that she’s only with you for your money. You set yourself up for this one honey.

 3)      Her style is what got you noticing her in the first place, but suddenly you’re not feeling those mini dresses and shorts anymore. You’re on a conservative trip and you expect her to cover-up. Stop those outfit sanctions; you’re not being protective, you’re being a hypocrite.

 4)      You want a good girl from a “good family” yet you expect her to join you on those weekend getaways even if she has to lie to her parents about her whereabouts. If her parents don’t fall for it, you’ll go solo anyways. Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

5)      Her BFF just had a rough break up and she’s hitting the town, hard. Suddenly the girl who used to help you resolve a fight with your lady is now being sidelined as a “bad influence.”  If you expect your girl to drop her friend just like that then get ready to do the same for her.

 6)      She was honest to you about her past relationships from the start, yet the closer you get, the more annoyed, jealous and paranoid  you start to become with her history.  This is not an “honour” issue; your own insecurities are getting the best of you.

Seriously, tell us how you really feel. Just when I thought I had a romantic Valentine Abdo here had to show up and upstage everyone.

The strategy? Bluetooth. Just switch on your Bluetooth and before you know it you’ll get flooded with messages, pics or in some cases, cheesy songs. Of course I did not believe that for one second until I stepped in to the immensely condensed place yesterday (a friend of mine was in town and she just loves that place) and not-to-my-surprise almost every single lady and man had attached themselves to two very peculiar objects, their cells, that were placed right in front of their faces, and their arghilehs ( hubbly bubblies)  that went into their mouths. As customers walked in those  people would put down their cells,  bluntly assess what they see and begin typing vigorously on their smart phones. It was though a network was put in place and we were mere contestants amongst a panel of judges who would soon provide us with their verdict.  Only after twenty minutes of being seated did the crowd-with-a-staring-problem finally get used to our presence and accept us as part of the herd. i.e. they stopped staring us down so hard.

No,we did not turn on our Bluetooth, we were way too busy AWE-ing over the menu that did not seem to hold back on the sexual innuendos.  If you thought strawberries and whipped cream are sexy you obviously  haven’t been exposed to some taouk and garlic. Take a look…

And in case you were in the mood for something light, how about..

2) Don’t call him more than once when you know he’s spending the day with his parents, there is nothing parents fear more than a clingy girlfriend that won’t give them “ quality time” with their pride and joy.

3) Just because they’re polite enough to invite you to every Sunday lunch, it doesn’t mean you should show up to every single one, they wanna know you have your own family obligations you have to attend to.  There is nothing moms love more than a family girl for their handsome fella!

4) The same goes for getting touchy-feely. Even if you’re got a little tipsy at his cousin’s wedding, do not start grinding with him on the dance floor in front of the entire 45 members of his extended family and his great-uncle from his mom’s side. Save that for the after-party

5) If she offers you food, do not refuse it, even if you’re convinced her portions are purposely intended to make you pack some more pounds.  Smile, accept and praise the food, even if tastes like something your cat would reject.

6) Last but not least, do not ever do or say anything mean/ angry to him while his parents are around. Even a  frown could be damaging. Not only is that tacky but it’s a signal that there is weakness in your relationship, which they will be quick to pounce on. Keep it together- until you get into the car, only then you can let him have it.

2) Make Up Overload – Easy on the Paint, we tend to layer things up around here, the tranny look is quite popular.  Looking well-kept is great but looking like a street walker in the middle of the day just frightens men away, unless truck drivers are your thing. Easy on the foundation, pick the right color for your skin, lose the fake lashes and burn the damn lip-liner. Make-up should cover your faults not create new ones.

3) Desperada All your friends are  getting married and you don’t even have a boyfriend. So What?! You haven’t found the right one for you yet, no reason to start looking desperate. Men sense desperation like sharks smell blood, the only difference is, men will run in the opposite direction. Just relax, don’t rush things. If you wanna let him know you’re the serious kind from the gecko, just don’t put-out so fast, he’ll get it.

4) We’re mean.  Yup, we enjoy being mean, to each other, to unsuspecting waiters, to innocent pedestrians and mostly to our men. Men are not driven by emotions and fortunately for them, their hormones are for the most part, stable, so stop using the silliest excuse to pounce on the poor guy whenever you’re having a mood swing. Angry women are very unattractive to men, if you’re having a bad day; do not use him as your punching bag.

5)      Entitlement- Here’s a common misconception, if he’s a gentleman he’ll pay for everything. Some of the richest guys out there are total douche bags who think they can buy anything and anyone with their plastic cards. Unless you’re for sale, don’t let him pay for everything, respect is priceless.

Want more? What Men Really Want- Especially Lebanese Men

 10:15 PM We enter the first spot and head straight to the bar. As soon as we ordered some drinks the bartender gave us a round of free shots.  Jagermeister. The man clearly wanted to get us drunk. We hesitantly drank them, thanked him and tried to continue our discussion. He stuck around. At times, even interrupted our conversations to contribute to the topic. It was annoying.

10:47 PM We start giving him some serious attitude and so he brings in the next round of shots. This time: tequila.  We knew were this was going so we had the shots thanked him and asked for the bill.
He wanted a number, any number, all our numbers, whatever he could get. We apologized and told him we all have boyfriends.

11:03 PM We finally get the bill and it included ALL the shots. My friend wanted to go off on the sleazeball for charging us for shots he offered, I convinced her out of it. We don’t need his freebies.

11:17 PM  We move onto another bar. Suddenly the waitress shows up with three glass of Moet, from the two gentlemen in the corner. So here’s the dilemma, we don’t accept them, and we look like uptight stuck-up girls who don’t know how to have some fun, but if we do accept the drinks we risk having to reject the men in person.  So we hesitate for a minute, but it’s champagne!

11:35 PM The men are hovering like sharks that’ve spotted their prey, until they finally decide to approach us. One of them says something cheesy calling us “very beautiful women.”

“Thanks for the champagne, but if you don’t mind we are having a girls night” my friend says to them.  We may as well have just shown the guys some skin, because we seem to have turned them on somehow.  They were both smiling and still hanging out at our table, at some point one guy even placed his drink on our table.

11:43 PM We ask them to leave again, they just smile.  So I looked at them both and said” listen guys, thanks for the drinks but we are not interested.”  They got even more excited at this point.

11:50 PM We exit the bar

Oldest dating lesson in the book: Accepting a drink is a verbal contract with a stranger. Indeed he wants something in return: YOU

At This point, you probably consider yourself a Pro in the dating scene in Beirut, but everyone knows that even the best of players need to sharpen those skills every now and then.

Long term relationships are comfy, but dating in Beirut can get very exciting.  Yes there are 6 girls to every guy, but it’s a good reason for ladies to ditch conformity and make a lasting impression.

1)      Ladies, You don’t need to dress in some super- skimpy outfit to get his attention, I’m not suggesting you get covered–up either , instead just be yourself,  show some skin in a sultry yet classy way. You wanna grab his attention not every sleaze ball’s in the room.

2)      The alpha male may not always be the right guy for you. Yes, he has the broadest shoulders you’ve seen on man, but that doesn’t mean he’ll give you one to cry on…  He’s the loudest in the place and has the most friends but his machoness may make him a less likely candidate for a committed relationship. The other cute guy may seem shorter but he’s probably funnier and more down-to earth, qualities you should be looking for in a boyfriend.

3)      Letting him buy you one drink is fine, but don’t let him pay for everything.  Some of us girls in Lebanon, think that a guy that picks up the bill  is a gentleman, but that may not always be the case.  You’re independent, and you should not only buy your own drinks but invite him to some as well, men love independent strong women, so be one!

4)      Kissing on the first date. Sure Lebanese guys like outgoing independent women, but they also have a possessive quality to them. They love a girl that can play hard-to-get, so don’t put-out just yet, keep him wanting more. If  he leans in for a kiss, give him your cheek.

Places To Go and NOT To Go For Your First Date:

1)      Dinner is always a good choice. This way you can have good conversation and check out table manners, maybe she’s rude to the waiter, would you still want to date her?

2)      Drinks at a friendly, quiet bar in Gemmayzeh, steer clear from the loud sloppy ones, instead try out a cute spot like GEM or Joe Penias for some fresh cocktails.

3)      Don’t hit up a club on your first date, you won’t hear each other speak; you’ll probably end up drunk and pull some moves you may regret on the dance floor.

4)      Don’t meet parents, if he’s introducing you already you SHOULD  be freaked out, he probably does the same with all the girls he dates. Meeting the parents should be special and it should come after at least 3 more dates or more. BISOUX

I’m far from being bored, don’t get me wrong. He intellectually challenges me all the time, he’s stubborn as hell, but at times he’s too mature to get into the smallest scuffle with me.  And somehow, as ungrateful as this may come off, it bugs me.  Things can’t be picture perfect ALL the time. Or can they?

My girls thought I was out of my mind when I brought it up the other day. They gave me the same scornful look they give our super skinny friend whenever she announces how fat she’s getting.  But my friend Nancy gets it.  She thinks I should always keep my man fired up, this way, the flame will always stay alive.

My mother tells me I’m being melodramatic. And if I keep up this behavior I’m bound to lose him.  “You always want what you can’t have IVY, so why don’t you just grow up already.” And when your mom breaks it down to you like that, you know you’re in the wrong.

So this got me thinking. I’ve had my fair share of over-the-top relationships, I’ve loathed the non-stop fights and drama that eventually got me running for the door; which leads to this latest conclusion:

Can we become subconsciously programmed to consider drama as a  necessary element to our relationships?

I’ve been doing some investigating, and apparently this is a very common tendency. Do you agree? Bisoux

It’s March and you’re still hung-over from the weekend. Your mind kept telling you to get that salad for lunch but every cell in your stomach was screaming for grease, so you ordered Fern Tony’s  Deluxe Burger . Your co-workers watched you gobble that beast down as they fiddled with their rice and spinach. But you’re back at your desk now, about to participate in some serious self-loathing wondering how you got here.  Knowing that within mere months, the hot and sexy gym busy-bees of this country will be ready to flaunt their combos of six packs, pectorals, biceps and what not while you’ll be struggling to stop yourself from ordering a bottle of extra-chilled rose by the beach.

Snap out of it; get a hold of yourself and enough with the procrastination.  I’ve come up with a couple of pointers to keep you satisfied but slick this season.

1)      Eat breakfast and get full, it’s the oldest trick in the book but it actually works wonders.  And no, that doesn’t mean indulging in some fried eggs and bacon, but a healthy whole wheat pita bread with some labneh, cucumber and olives , or turkey and cheese with some lettuce. Wash it down with a sweet fruit-but bar or perhaps a handful or almonds and raisins.

2)      Take the stairs, even if you have to go up four floors. You’re going to be on a chair all day, trust me your body can use the exercise.

3)      Screw the salad. It will last for a good two hours and then before you know it you’re craving a Man2ouchet Zaatar. Get your dose of pasta or rice, but make sure it’s in moderation. You don’t have to eat everything your mom packed. Keep some in the fridge for the next day.

4)      Substitute your daily Twix or KitKat with a fruit, but not a measly shriveled apple, but rather a nice ripe Kiwi or Mango.   

5)      Water- drink lots of it.  Two glasses can kill gluttonous hunger spasms.     

6)      Workout- it takes dedication to leave the office after an 8-hour long work day only to get stuck in traffic and hit the gym.  But it’s like quitting smoking- once you get past the first week, it sticks.  And when you start seeing actual results- you’ll wonder why it took you so long to start.

7)      Work with a trainer in the beginning and preferably a hot one. There is nothing nicer, than having your every move being watched and commended, even if you’re paying for the praise

8)      Easy on dinner tiger, just because the machine said you burned 200 calories, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to make up for them. A chicken breast or steak with some veggies will do the trick.

9)      Pamper yourself. Fill-up the bathtub, throw in some sea salt and relax . And don’t forget to moisturize! Bisoux