1. With your first, not only did you pay a ridiculous sum of money for a designer hospital bag, you also meticulously packed it months and months in advance with an overzealous list of things like organic conscious cotton linens, matching pjs for you and baby and ridiculously over-priced diapers. This time around you’re lucky if you remember to grab some things on your way out to the hospital because between curbing your toddler’s tantrum and wrestling him into changing his nappies, ain’t nobody got time for cute newborn shopping lists.
2. With baby number one, you created mood boards and themes for the nursery only days after that test turned positive, with your second you finally got around to installing the curtains only after she’s 3 months old.
3. And just like that you’re once baby toddler has grown into a full grown child as soon as you return from the hospital. It’s like his head grew bigger overnight. How. Did. This. Happen?
4. Remember how you inspected guests and made everyone bathe in sanitizer and remove their shoes at the door before even glancing at baby number one. Now you’re just passing around baby number 2 to whomever can hold her just so you can bring the blood flow back to your arms again.
5. Between the different creams and products, you would lather baby number one with, bath time resembled a spa session at the Four Seasons. Now baby number 2 is lucky to even get a bath and when she does you’ll probably just throw her in with the toddler in his swamp of toys and rubber fish.
6. You’ll get an A for Effort, but you will never be able to strike the perfect balance between both kids no matter how much you try. You’ll never be able to give number two the same attention and tentativeness you did to number one. Which will make number 2 way more independent, so it’s not such a bad thing really. Don’t feel so bad. Or at least that’s what I tell myself to feel better.
7. Overwhelmed is an understatement. Suddenly your once sweet toddler despises bath time and your newborn won’t sleep for more than 15 minutes in a stretch. It’s like that part in the movie where the hero keeps losing over and over and over again but you know what they win in the end and so will you mama. Your patience will be tested until you cuddle with both, at the same time, for the first time, and you realize that there are 2 pairs of big eyes staring at you, because you are their mama and they your world. And you close your eyes and feel like you’re heart is about to explode with fulfillment and purpose until one of them has a poop explosion.
8. Speaking of poop explosions, did you really think changing one diaper was hard work? Try two runny diapers. You’ll need to refine those logistical and operational skills as your home will start resembling a baby factory. And yes, you will end up putting the wrong diaper on the wrong child. Every. Single. Time.
9. Lunch time with two gets as busy as KFC in a food court. One hungry baby and an angry toddler can spell more drama than a Lebanese soap opera. And let’s just say the only one happy to see food on the floor is the dog.
10. Remember how your first went through his entire first year barely catching a cold? Yeah well, thanks to number one’s recent stint at daycare, your poor second child has a cold every other week that she’s come to actually love the taste of Physiomere Baby and enjoys the snot sucker.
11. If you thought leaving a house with one baby was hard work, try packing for a trip out to the mall with two. Nevermind. Going out is overrated anyway. You’ll eventually just decide to stay home. Forever.
12. Your toddler will soon notice the imminent looming threat that had entered his home and try to eliminate it. Your job? To foil all assassination attempts and keep number 2 alive and kicking.
13. Remember how you invited the entire family to come and witness your first born’s first taste of solids like it was a solar eclipse. Your poor second will probably have her first taste of non-organic courgettes with only you as a witness while the toddler tries to burn the house down.
14. Remember how excited you were when baby number one first started crawling? This time around you secretly wish you can strap baby number two to something just to stop her from being mobile too soon, because how on earth are you supposed to run after two toddlers at the same time?
15. Remember the No-TV until baby number one turns 2 rule, yeah well, by the time she is six months old, Baby Number 2 will know how to work NetFlix.
16. Remember that strict schedule you were so keen on putting your first child on, running home from family lunches just to be on time for shower time and bedtime, yeah well, your second child nap time consists of an impromptu bottle in her stroller at the grocery store.
17. Suddenly newborn late night feedings and poop explosions feel nice and easy compared to negotiating with a toddler who decided he wants to take of all his clothes at the mall and have chocolate for dinner.
18. You look at first time mom’s in a total state of panic and laugh a little at how easy they have it and how funny they are to worry so much, yes it was you once before but since having another baby you’re now you freakin Khaleesi the true mother of dragons.
19. Remember how you were keen on not overstimulating your first child before bedtime keeping the lights dim and playing lullabies and white noise, lol,now the hour before sleep resembles a scene from a WWE arena with you as the star attraction.
20. Remember how scared and worried you felt when baby number one would cry as a newborn? Now you feel just as scared and worried that your newborn might wake baby number one up when she cries.
21. Sleep? What’s that? Come night time you turn into Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch roaming your children’s rooms changing nappies, preventing one from falling off a bed, inspecting temperatures, bottle feeding, and a 100 other tasks you never thought you knew how to do until you transform into a White Walker by sunrise.
22. You’ll never leave the room without not one but two baby monitors attached to you, and just when you think you and your husband can finally settle in for a Netflix Original and some pizza, a child will wake up. Someone will always wake up.
23. Simultaneous naps are a long lost dream, they will never happen, but if and when they do happen, you win in life.
24. Your heart is not yours anymore, it’s vulnerable, because it now lives outside your body in two little bodies, and suddenly all the intense feelings you used to feel with one baby become two. And there are times where you’ll feel weak in the knees like the worry is about to engulf you and raising two is just overwhelming you that you’re not so sure you are built for motherhood but just like that, you find a strength you never knew you had in you not just to raise those babies but to help them thrive.
Grab motherhood by the horns, you got this momma!
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