Back in March I waged a full out war on the 9 crimes against beauty that have given us terrifying reputations and landed Arabs on some of the world’s most notorious beauty faux pas lists. Prior to that I launched the Online Petition Against Tattooed Eyebrows to counter the growing pandemic of creepy crawlers taking over our Lebanon.
Sadly there still exists a long list of atrocities in the name of beauty and fashion that need to be address. Thank you to all those who have joined the cause, we may have won the battle but the war is not over my friends.
Exhibit K: Porn Star Nails
If the dramatic gel half-white half-transparent nail wasn’t tragic enough they had to slap on those nasty embellishments. Let’s be real, no nails ever looked like that naturally, nobody is buying it. The French manicure was initially meant to be classic and subtle but leave it to us Arabs to take it to a whole new level. The entire look screams slutty and those razor sharp edges are a serious hazard. Do yourself a favor and soak them off.
Exhibit L: Matchy Matchy
It pains me when I hear a makeup artist or a sales assistant utter these words “what color is your dress?” Because what they’ll do next is attempt to match your eye shadow, lipstick, blush, nails, clutch, shoes and bra strap to the damn outfit. Color coordinating is one thing but looking like you’ve been hit by a fuchsia hurricane is not a very flattering look for anyone. This may have been a trend in the late 90s but I have never seen a people collectively hang on to a style so dearly.
Exhibit M: Double D’s
I’m all for plunging necklines but I’m not a fan of racks on display. When you’re able to rest something on your cleavage or worse, lose something in there then it’s time for you to reconsider your shirt’s style and bra size. You can be the smartest candle on the cake and still be treated like a bimbo if you insist on covering up only half of your breasts. And if you’re small and skinny then D Cup implants are not for you. In fact implants are so passé, proof to that is Victoria Beckham got hers removed and she looks more stylish and better than ever.
Exhibit N: Extensions
There’s a very thin line between long hair and tacky long hair. Sure the belly dancer looks sexy when her hair bounces on her hips but take her out of her context and she’ll look like a hobo. Nowadays most hairdressers will spend an hour on a woman’s hair and another on her hair extensions which is hanging right next to her. The entire scene is disturbing. Arab woman have some of the thickest most beautiful voluminous hair and yet they still think they need more? Go figure…
Exhibit O: Hooker Heels
I heart heels. But I heart heels to dinner and I heart heels to weddings. I do not heart 9inch heels at 7am in the morning, unless you’re in that line of business. So when I see a bank teller or a notary public wobbling in sky high open-toe stilettos I don’t think they quite understand how inappropriate and out of place they look. It’s like they’re trying to prove some kind of point which is beyond me.
Exhibit P: Face Paint
We are notorious for this. How much we love to use every single color in the eye shadow palette. How much we love our foundation, our compact powder and our bronzer. How much we hate to blend.