Monthly Archives: June 2011

Lonely In Beirut? Not Anymore…

Posted on June 28, 2011 | 26 Comments

One of my readers sent me a link to get this- a site called Lebanon Escorts; Your Life, Your Escorts. Now before you get too excited the site is quick to remind visitors that it is “only an escort girls guide listing independent female Lebanese escorts providing services in Beirut and all of Lebanon”  NOT  an actual escort agency.  Here are a few more highlights of their About US section:

We do not currently have listings of Syrian girls, Moroccan escorts nor European female companions.

We repeat that our Lebanese female escorts are only available for outcall services catering to Beirut hotels only.

 We’re no in call escort agency and our escort girls don’t provide any in call escort services in Beirut.

 We’re an escort directory providing listings of escorts in Beirut, Lebanon. For Serious Gentlemen only please.

Innneresting…

What caught my eye is  a listing they have for an escort agency supposedly in Lebanon called- Straight Off The Bat,  here is how these folks like to advertise themselves

“Our escorts are not Super Models or “Ex-Models” They’re  your beautiful girl next door Lebanese girls.

Our girls are all natural.  Natural meaning “No plastic surgery, Like some Lebanese models or ex-models”.

Alright, now, I don’t know where you guys may live, but the girl next door to me most definitely does NOT look like that girl in the picture! And even if you lived next door to a brothel, I’ve seen some “artists” in Maameltein, and trust me they look nothing like that blonde chick they have on the site.

The most entertaining part of it all is the profiles of the escorts they have listed.

Meet Sami, he is not a hairy Lebanese guy and he wants to prove it to you.  He has “handsome weak body” whatever that means. He charges $750 an hour. Damn he must be good.

Meet Carla, she has “Weak body, Medium tits, Bombe.” I have no idea what that means either. Carla can escort you for $350 an hour, that’s $400 less than Sami. Damn that Sami must be REALLY good.

Here’s the thing, I’m a firm believer in freedom for all to do as they please, as long as they’re not harming or violating anyone’s rights, but the last time I checked Lady GaGa’s album was banned in Lebanon, so was Anne Frank’s diary, French artist Patrick Bruel was not welcome and the comedian Gad El-Malek was practically shunned. All those artists and the ideas they pass off may corrupt our minds with bad bad ideas, yet Mira and Sami  will help revive our economy? Bisoux

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Posted in Rumor Has It..., Tabloid Trash

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Look What We Have Succumbed To…

Posted on June 27, 2011 | 8 Comments

Ahh the times are tough aren’t they?  And Romance? Who needs romance when you can finally get that 150 m2 apartment your impending wedding has been on hold for? And so what if you can’t afford to furnish it or heat it up during winter.  Or what about that 700 invite Habtoor  royal wedding  you  just couldn’t imagine affording?  Thanks to this wedding package, the preposterous real estate prices in Lebanon are no longer the enemy so instead of moving in with their mothers’-in-law and kissing all prospects of a drama-free new beginning away,  couples can now sell their souls and the souls of their future kids the devil. Yup, think 30 years of mortgage payments, unstable, ever-changing interest rates and did I forget, your life‘s worth of savings in a down payment just so you can say “I do” in style. So do you really wanna kiss that banker? Bisoux

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Posted in Rumor Has It..., Tabloid Trash

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College Days Relived At Chocolate Club Monot

Posted on June 23, 2011 | Leave a comment

I went to Chocolate club this weekend in Monot with a group of friends. Having heard good things about this new spot I thought I’d check it out.  The interior wasn’t especially impressive and I’m not complaining – on the contrary, it was refreshing to walk into a club in Beirut that didn’t cost millions of dollars to design with state-of–the-art everything and enough Botox to numb an entire village.  A very average looking club that managed to stand strong on the clubbing scene without making you feel like a peasant for not being on the guest list. The majority of the clubbers looked 23 and below and they were there with one thing in mind– to PARTAAY!

And a party it was.  We walked in feeling skeptical (older) as we watched young girls in micro-dresses bumping and grinding with tanned handsome college boys, they were everywhere, on the couches, on the tables and the ledges. It reminded me of my good-old college days, when you could just sleep through hangovers and wake up just to do it all over again.

I was modestly dressed in skinny beige pants and a salmon colored tank top, an outfit that could have worked for a dinner better. Clearly I was overdressed or underdressed, depending on how you look at it.

As I walked into the crammed washrooms, I felt as though I was backstage at a fashion show. Utter and complete chaos!  The lip gloss, the faint-inducing perfume, the joint group-dressing, compliments, snarls, loud chatting and of course  the barfing. As my friend and I waited our turns to use the Loo, we saw a raccoon-eyed girl exit her stall, looking like she had just fought and lost a battle with a beast inside. Her strapless dress was hardly covering her chest as she struggled to access the sink. We both stood in full alert ready to jump to her aide, our mid-twenty motherly instincts kicking in, but she sloppily pulled her dress up, hardly lessening the potential of a serious wardrobe malfunction, splashed some water on her face, applied some lip gloss, tipped 5000LL to the cleaning lady with who handed her over some napkins, and hung on to her boyfriend’s neck, as he greeted her by the door.  As she strutted her stuff back to her table, the girl showed no signs of the ramifications of her washroom incident; she somehow managed to look fabulous!  We were impressed.  We loosened up after that, letting go of any hesitations we had, and partied like it was 1999 all over again.

We ended up at Zaatar W Zeit, drunk and silly, with what seemed like the entire clubbing population.  Skybar, Iris, Capitole, Crystal are all so proper and primped, but after years of joining the professional workforce, a night out with the  college kids proved PRICELESS!  Bisoux

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Posted in Diary Of A Single Girl In Beirut

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Best Father’s Day Ads

Posted on June 21, 2011 | 2 Comments

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Posted in Tabloid Trash

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An Hour In A Lebanese Woman’s Heels

Posted on June 20, 2011 | 15 Comments

It could be an overtly –friendly smile from the old sleazy neighbor who may insist on inspecting your outfit as you step into your car.

It could be the big black tinted Range Rover that will drive parallel to you for a good ten minutes, blocking traffic only to pull down his window and graphically explain to you how we would like to have his way with you.

When he’s finally gone you somehow end up behind a pick-up truck full of men seated in the back, who won’t miss a chance to stare, wave, and laugh. Behavior similar to that of predators in a jungle informing the rest of the hungry pack that they spotted the prey of the day.

It could be the parking guy who leaves other parking cars struggling only to suddenly land right in front of your car door just in case you were to flash some skin as you made your rough exit. Sometimes you even swear he makes you park so close to other cars because he secretly enjoys watching you wrestle your way out.

It could be the nasty cab driver that won’t let you cross the street because he keeps honking at you for a ride, and when you finally tell him to MOVE, he’ll yell out a profanity.

It could be the car that finally stops to allow you to cross the street, only to see a guy and his buddy high-fiving each other and winking at you as you scruffily make your way to the sidewalk.

You finally enter the office, a big sigh of relief; you’re finally away from the zoo out there only to be greeted by the company driver who decides to give you the final inspection of the day as his gaze locks on your chest and says “ Bonjour Ya Amar keefna ilyom.?”

It could be you. So you hurry to the closest mirror, convinced you may be experiencing some sort of wardrobe malfunction, but you’re actually wearing a full-out pantsuit.

So thanks to our heroes at the Ministry Of Tourism, sexual harassment may just triple this summer, since they’re now promoting Lebanese women in their campaigns to lure in more “hungry” male tourists!  If you haven’t watched the joke of an AD titled Lebanon Blues please do here

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Posted in Diary Of A Single Girl In Beirut

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Even Hitler Needs A Wasta At Sky Bar

Posted on June 17, 2011 | 2 Comments

So it’s all about the rooftops this summer..Iris, Capitole and of course the regionally renowned SKYBAR!  Apparently it has gotten itself a new look and people are willing to pay over $500 minimum charge just to see and be seen at the season opening.  This video below is a Must-SEE, too funny and so very true.  It’s  very smartly produced  by a guy called Samer Hamadeh, and he really hit it right on the head. I’ve personally seen some friends pull the same tantrum when a table at Sky Bar was nearly impossible. It’s a must see and a total diss to  the former White btw… Bisoux

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Posted in Rumor Has It..., Tabloid Trash

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Fairuz and Lady GaGa: Separated At Birth!

Posted on June 15, 2011 | 16 Comments

I dunno about you guys but I’m honestly freaked out about how much Lebanon’s reigning Queen of Song Fairuz and the International Queen of Pop Lady GaGa look alike! I was watching Fairuz speak on an interview on MTV last night when I had to do a double take, for a second I could have sworn it was  Lady Gaga.  They may be generations apart, but did it ever occur to you that maybe Fairuz gave birth to Lady GaGa and gave her up for adoption when she realized her daughter will grow up to become the world’s most celebrated freak show? Click on the pic below to enlarge: I  bet you can’t tell which one’s which now can you? … Bisoux

Hint: The images to the left are of Fairuz!

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An Unfortunate Incident At The Aishti Outlet In Ashrafieh

Posted on June 13, 2011 | 42 Comments

I’m invited to six weddings this season and I am seriously lacking some dresses for the occasion. My good friend  suggested I visit Aishti’s outlet in Ashrafieh to look at some  gowns from last season. I usually shop at Aishti’s stores, I didn’t even know they had an outlet. Unaware of the drama that would ensue I enter the store, greet the saleswoman and  ask her to lead me to the gown section.

She walks me to the back, reaches out to some gowns to show me where they are. Aware that outlets are usually limited in sizes I nicely asked her if she has any small sizes left while I unsuspectingly begin to look through them. She suddenly gets between me and the gown, shoots me an apologetic look  and says:

“Are you sure YOU are looking for a gown in THIS price range?”

I did not see that one coming. I shot her back a suspicious look and calmly replied:

“Why don’t you show me the dresses, and I will decide what price range I will go for, anyways I think your question is inappropriate I asked about the size not the price.” 

She tenses up and defensively replies, her voice getting louder, prompting three saleswomen nearby to turn and look ” OK Then, I’m not gonna ask you ANYMORE QUESTIONS!”

I was taken by surprise at her emotionally-charged reply so to clear the air,or any misunderstanding I very calmly replied with a smile “You may have misunderstood, you can ask me the right question, if you like, I’m just a little confused as to why you would ask me whether I’m sure if this is the price-range I’m looking for when I was inquiring about the size? “

The lady then turned around to face all the other saleswomen, threw her arms up in the air dramatically and yelled “SOMEONE ELSE DEAL WITH THIS WOMAN BECAUSE I WILL NOT” and walked away from me, leaving me standing there, while all heads turned away from her, and right on to me.

I was embarrassed, this saleswoman with some serious anger issues,  just created a huge scene and walked away from me. God knows I have spent hours of my life shopping and have come across many disgruntled employees, but this was outrageous and what was more appalling is that not a single employee who worked there even cared. I looked at the rest of the staff, waiting, hoping, for someone to explain, apologize or assist me but they all turned away  and pretended that they hadn’t just witnessed the fuss that went down. When I finally made eye-contact with one, she walked up to me and asked me what size I would like as if nothing was.

I tried on a dress, but I was too irritated to continue, and I just couldn’t comprehend the unprofessionalism I had witnessed as  a client. No one bothered to apologize, or notify the manager. I couldn’t get myself to spend money at a store, that lacked the most basic practice of  courtesy or respect. I put the dress down and demanded to see the manager who was having a smoke.

I explained to her the situation and waited for the apology to come. It didn’t. She did look shocked to hear the story, however, she just nodded and said “I will take care of it.”  She didn’t apologize for my horrible experience, didn’t ask me if I at least found what I’m looking for and didn’t reassure me that this will not happen again. She didn’t even ask for my name or the saleswoman’s name for that matter.

Will I ever return to Aishti’s outlet, or any of its stores for that matter? Never. But judging from my experience, I wouldn’t be surprised to know that they probably don’t care either. At least that’s the impression their employees and manager gave me. Bisoux

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Posted in Diary Of A Single Girl In Beirut, Fashion-ME-Up

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Mon Obsession Du Jour

Posted on June 10, 2011 | 3 Comments

One of my favorite things to do when I hit up Beirut Souks is to sneak into Ladurée for some of  their heavenly Macarons. My absolute favorite flavors are the Griotte Amande and the Caramel à la fleur de sel.  Yes they may be priced at LL3000 a piece,  but I assure you it may be the best $2 you may ever spend. I’m heading there for my lunch break today,  I see no better way to welcome the weekend. Bisoux

 

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Posted in IVY Lebanon-Eats, Mon Obsession du Jour

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Lebanese Luxury- At ANY Cost

Posted on June 8, 2011 | 9 Comments

My friend Tara took out a  $7000 dollar loan to start her own business. She didn’t truly understand what her business venture would entail, she was sure it had to do with fashion. Little did we know that by fashion she meant shopping. Yup, she nested on that cash for a good two-weeks before it started to hatch. Two nights ago, we were having some Bellinis at Relais Foch in Downtown Beirut. Tara was late to join,  but she finally made an appearance donning two ginormous Aishti shopping bags. She practically skipped towards us, while our eyes  locked on her goodies.

“Tara! you didn’t!”  yelled our friend.

“I sure did!!”  Tara squealed in joy.

Tara pulled out a cashmere-like bag protector. In it sat a lovely quilt check classic Burberry bag with a random flashy green print and a to-die-for Marc Jacobs navy blue soft-leather handbag. Finally she pulled out yet another (hidden) bag inside a bag, revealing a pair of  gold Miu Miu sandals. Yes, the inherent decadence of the items were sigh-inducing, enough to send any girl into a frenzy, but it was clear Tara had gone overboard.

You see, many girls, like Tara, not to mention myself at times, will do whatever it takes to indulge in a plethora of luxury items, items we will never really need, items we must have.  We are not the only ones who have our priorities messed up,  Lebanon is not prude when it comes to high-end products.  Try walking into a trendy café and count all the Louis Vuittons you can spot in under ten seconds. Yet somehow our economy isn’t doing so good, gas prices are peaking, we’re always in between jobs, the average employee makes under $1000 and it is almost impossible to invest in real estate without selling a kidney.

Tara is very aware of all those factors , she is also aware that the stuff she bought costs more than the severance pay she received when she left her previous job to start her venture. Tara will also have to pay a ridiculous amount of monthly installments to finance her luxury handbags not to mention Tara will no longer be able start her own business. But  Tara is flashing a huge smile on her face

I had lunch with Tara today. The minute we walked into  the restaurant, women were immediately drawn to Tara’s bag, the envy was unmissable. If only they knew Tara’s financial state, perhaps they wouldn’t be envious, or perhaps, they too had their own share of loans to pay-off, but it doesn’t matter, everyone turned to see their handbags when they walked in. Bisoux

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Posted in Diary Of A Single Girl In Beirut, Fashion-ME-Up, I Came, I Saw, I BOUGHT!

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