I’ve discussed the preposterousness of our versions of weddings here in Lebanon before on this blog, but now let me hate on the modern bride.
She is obsessive compulsive, erratic, crazy, detail-obsessed and well most of all, a performer. Gone are the days where the bride enters her arena in grace and demure, we now instead have a belly-dancer on our hands making an entrance- dressed in a costume rather than what I once viewed as a magical Cinderella- like gown, leaving almost nothing to our imaginations, at times even downright raunchy, her dress embedded with enough Swarovski or zircon (depending on the groom) to blind onlookers.
During her zaffeh- she enters like a professional, preforming , waving to her people, synchronizing her dance moves with the rest of her flashy over-priced dancers – that is if she isn’t getting carried in on a stretcher, while her groom does his own silly dance version of what she’s been training him to do since he got on his knees and proposed.
It’s a production I tell you. Every move, each gesture, studied, planned and timed. During the first dance the groom will hold her up like a sack of potatoes for everyone to see. Ughhh
And her group of enablers, from the wedding planner that convinced her to place live gold fish on each table- to the firework agent, that charged her half a million dollars for a show that will make her look like an “ Amira.” Because every girl should be an Amira on her Big Day!
They will bring some superstar artist, like Ragheb, Elissa or maybe even Haifa to add more cheesiness. And then comes the big-ol-fake cake. Someone needs to explain this to me. The couple cuts into a cardboard cake the size of a hut, which EVERYONE knows is a FAKE, yet everyone pretends is REAL? why? how? what?? And then an army of little waiters go around the room with tiny real cakes with firecrackers? Have we finally lost our minds.
I think we have. God help us all. Three more weddings this summer. And you know I can hardly wait. Bisoux
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lol !!
Thk you IVY for this great post … u said it all… khay what a releif !!!
to be honest with you, when i first dicovered your blog few months ago , i simply loved it.
at that time you were promoting the girl hiting on guys thingy,…
afterwards some of your posts started to annoy me , honnestly (which is still a good thing 🙂 )
my humble advice to you : keep up with this kind of posts, they are just great and avoid more judgemental ones…
Again merci for today
lol i agree this post is great (and spot on), but you have to admit it’s pretty ‘judgmental’ too 😀
it just so happens the judgment is correct… or we are all snobs… or both 😀
I might not agree with all your opinions but Ivy has a right to her own opinion. Let’s face it we are all judgemental. We already censor ourself enough, don’t let me talk about the imposed censorship imposed on us. So, agree or disagree Ivy has a right to express herself on any subject whether we like it or not.
I COMPLETELY AGREE on the fake cake thing! What’s the deal with that? “Oooh look at me, i have 12 story cardboard cake”! Grrr
loved the cake trick 😀
wow!
one of the best articles you’ve written so far
it is very accurate and descriptive
loved it
keep them coming
bisous xoxo
Lebanese weddings make a mockery of love. I was talking to someone the other day and he was telling me how at the wedding he went to, the groom rode in on a flippin’ horse! Can you believe that nonsense? Lebanese people spend money they don’t have, on things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t know..
In life, simplicity is key. Always.
danielle, just wait till you see a bride make her entrée by being lowered down from the ceiling INTO FLAMES. leb weddings may not say much for love, or taste, or priorities, but they are hilarious.
I have that same reaction whenever I see the bride and groom cutting the fake cake. Seriously…WHY?
Akh the stupidity.
I’d rather attend a Pamela Anderson wedding where she’s wearing a bikini. At least that’s an original, spontaneous, and honest wedding.
I actually got married this summer and to the surprise of everyone in my wedding: it was far from the cliche weddings we attend these days.
My zaffe was an entrance with my baby cousins as flower girls walking in front of us; I made sure i had to people jumping around us in their silly uniforms.. I eliminated the typical dry ice, as there is nothing like dancing in the sky/cloud.. To me, napkin rings r the most pathetic thing ever created, so i eliminated that too.. and made sure I got a 4 layered real cake cuz the last thing i wanna do is cut into a fake cake 200 other couples have already cut. The wedding was far from cliche; it was simple and an hour into the wedding i was already barefoot jumping and dancing till 3:30am.