Monthly Archives: June 2010

IVY’s Favorite PickUp Lines

The goal is to make him or her feel good, so good in fact that they’ll want to talk to you some more.  If you get him or her to laugh… SCORE!!!

Yes… I know, some may come off as super-cheesy or at times mean, but you gotta know your audience people… You get my drift ;)

1.Nice to meet you, I’m Ivy and you are… gorgeous.

2. Looking this good is illegal in Beirut, bas if you go out with me, I’ll let you off with a warning.

3. Apart from being so sexy, what is it that you do for a living?

4. Your father must have been a farmer, cause you’ve grown some nice melons (or lemons… depending on the girl)  ( use with caution)

5. You’re so hot, I think your the reason behind global warming.

6.I’m sorry to tell you this but your going to hell, looking that good is a sin.

7. If your going to regret this in the morning, then we can just sleep past noon.

8. I may not be the best looking girl here,but you can’t really afford to be that picky. (use with caution)

9. It’s your lucky day, I’m on the rebound and I just lowered my standards.

10. Do you have a name, or can I just call you mine?

11.Damn boy, and I thought I was good looking

12. I was gonna come talk to you earlier, but I didn’t want your friends to fight over me.

Disclaimer: Ivy shall not be held responsible for any slaps, drink spillage or brawls that may occur following any of the above  pick-up lines. Flirt at your own risk. Bisoux

Of All The Men In Beirut- I Had To Meet Him!

I thought I finally met the man I’ve been waiting for. Kissing all those frogs  must finally have paid off, cause I found my prince charming.

He’s as handsome as most girls would imagine their prince charming to be- Sophisticated. Smart. Shy, in a good way. A lawyer too.  He was definitely into me. We got introduced through a mutual friend and the man couldn’t keep his eyes off me. I was having trouble breathing.

I pictured it all. We’d move into this cute apartment with a rooftop  in Hamra and we’d take morning jogs together on the Corniche. I met my better half. I beat the system.

Until… 2 hours later, he mentions his fiancée. Yes his FIANCEE!!!!  But he didn’t mention her in a loving way; it was kinda in a matter of fact kind of way. As though he had just remembered. He almost sounded apologetic.

I was heartbroken; he managed to break my heart in 2 hours. Even though we were a party of 6 he continued talking to just me. Asking me questions like he wanted to know everything about me. I left abruptly. It was way too uncomfortable and I could no longer hide my disappointment.

I feel terrible saying this but there was something there. And it wasn’t at all sleazy. He was gentle and sweet. I just can’t get him out of my head. But I know I must never see him again. How on earth did I just get myself in this horrid situation? Even thinking about this guy goes against everything I believe in. Must shop now. Bisoux

Will The Real Lebanese Lady Please Stand Up

Something is seriously wrong with the ladies in Lebanon. How did we manage to get so superficial? And I’m not talking about your typical Lebanese bimbo, I’m referring to smart young educated ladies in this country that have put their morals and values to rest and opted for the rich man.

Yes, the rich man, he may not be as good looking as Samer in accounting, and sure his Ferrari puts Tarek’s Mazda 6 to shame, but who cares. The fact of the matter is Samer and Tarek are good genuine down to earth men that will love you just the same, hek maybe even more, since they won’t have pet names for you and their cars!

But lately I’ve noticed an alarming trend, young women are settling with dumber, uglier,  super rich guys, they wanna upgrade, they wanna quit their jobs, they want sportscars, they want that their shares in the country club and they don’t wanna have to work a day for it.

A friend of mine who I’ve always thought was normal,calls me, out the blue to announce that she is getting engaged on Friday. Last time I checked she was single. She had met him at Music Hall, he’s 36, drives a Audi Q7 and works in construction. He’s also bald, overweight and has hair growing out of his ears.

The worst part  of it all is her trying to convince me she’s in love. You know what, if this is the path you choose, so be it, but trying to convince me that your in love with SHREK because“ albo tayeb” rather than his shares in Sodeco, spare me and Drop it as fast as you dropped your self respect, there is no such thing as a bonafide gold-digger.  Bisoux

IVY’s Search For The Best Burger In Lebanon

I think most of you can tell I love burgers. Be it the the All’American burger, the Lebanonized burger and at times even teta’s hambur-kafta. So I’ve been keeping an eye ( and mouth) out for all the burger places in town. I didn’t wanna go for the most obvious choices of burger-joints just yet, but I thought why not try out the less obvious ones.

Today’s Burger:  Cello In Hamra

Rating: **

A friend of mine recommended Cello on Jeanne d’Arc St in Hamra, as the new and up and coming fusion food place.  But I wasn’t impressed at all. Here’s why…

Assortment of appetizers that had, salmon (that was super fishy) mushroom, sun-dried tomatoes figs and perhaps bacon. This item sounded fabulous on the menu but turned out to be quite the disappointment. The bread was stale and the cheese tasteless. Over-Priced at 16.990 LL and the waiter didn't even care to know why we left half of it uneaten.

The Cello burger seemed so promising. But what a waste it was. The meat although the thickest you can get in town, was unspiced and overcooked. The tomatoes and cheese alone, were great, but failed to harmonize with the rest if the burger. Nothing flowed. The fries are great though, very Lebanese kitchen style. The food presentation is the only good thing this place has going for it.

The thick meat. Too bad it failed to deliver. I went there on a Sunday and although we were the only people there it was so difficult to find a single waiter. They were too busy singing in the back.

Maroun-The Most Annoying Man In Gemmayzeh

His name is Maroun and he will tell you how and where to park you car in the last remaining parking in Gemmayzeh. But what makes this man so annoying is not what he does but the way he does it. The parking lot will be empty but yet he will insist you park in a spot that makes absolutely no sense to you. That’s not all. He will wait for you to park and as soon as you get out of your car, he will walk right up to you and make you do it all over again.

“Yameen, Shmel, ba3d lawara… eh BAS” and he will keep bellowing out directions until it becomes absolutely impossible for you to open your door and get out of the car unless you hit the car parked next to you!!!!

You attempt to explain this to him but he just won’t have it. Unless he maximizes every inch of that parking space- Maroun will not rest.

Unfortunately, our only other choice would be to kiss our cars goodbye  as we give’em to the horrendous valets, who will surely abuse them.  why? Because they CAN! Bisoux

Powertripping Maroun giving directions to unsuspecting girls in a car

The Top Lies Men and Women Tell- We Ain’t Fooling Anyone

So we all lie right? Some us of tell white lies, others slightly darker. But apparently men and women lie about different things- makes sense right? Here’s how…

Top lies told by Women

  1. Nothing is wrong. I’m fine ( followed by a frown and arm-cross)
  2. “I’ll be ready in five minutes” ( when we haven’t even jumped into the shower yet)
  3. “I saw him do it with my own eyes” ( Ok fine we thought we saw him, but it’s the same thing)
  4. No, she didn’t tell me anything about you, I swear“ ( even though we were just discussing you for two hours over lunch)

Top lies told by Men

  1. “I didn’t have that much to drink “( he says as he wobbles to stand straight)
  2. “There was no signal in the place I was at” (but you both know it has one of the best connections in Lebanon.)
  3. “Those pants make your bum look so small.” ( but YOU know your PMS-ing and bloated)
  4. “You’re sooo much prettier than her.” (Come on now, it’s Jessica Alba for God’s Sake!)

Where Have All The Good Lebanese Men Gone?

Back By Popular Demand

I called for an emergency brunch at Casper’s with three of my fellow single girls this morning. ( I had the yummy and super fattening Pain Perdu )

The Topic : Why are men turning all “anti-serious relationships” in Lebanon?

The discussion got heated, we all agreed that yes, indeed this is a rising trend. Here are a few reasons this could be happening :

  • The much detested 6 women to 1 man ratio in Lebanon. Most of the men are leaving Lebanon for jobs abroad.
  • Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Apparently we’re getting easier, why marry when you can date and cohabitate?
  • The more girls are eager for something serious, the faster men run, and apparently  we aren’t being subtle about our serious intentions, wanting too much too soon.
  • Men today just don’t have the same values our parents use to have, it’s a generation thing
  • We’ve become a generation of strong independent career oriented women, in other words, we’re being very picky. my suggestion :)

What do you think? Bisoux

Image: Ellen von Unwerth